So, it’s confession time. At present, I’m a closet writer that used to write for a release, but was apparently trapped under a refrigerator for the past few years…while working in a Consulting role in technology and selling myself out to the lifestyle of 50-60hour work weeks, depending on online dating sites to help remind me that I needed to be “available” to date, and trying to keep up with my friends and having a social life outside of the office, while commuting almost 3hours/day back and forth. Damn…I’m tired. I’m currently unemployed, as my contract ended with tragedy to the project, which is sad, but I’m surviving, and interviewing for new positions, which itself is literally just like online dating and at present, I’m stifled by the similarities. I am a Technology Recruiter… so, I get it, but people ask me to stop by just to “see me in person” to “make sure I’m presentable”. Now, not going to name any places, but I’ve been working with a large Cosmetic’s company for the past 2 years…within start up’s and management consulting, high level communications companies…all in HR and TA… (Talent Acquisition) not “Tit’s and Ass”, but if I wasn’t presentable…I wouldn’t have been placed on the front line to attract candidates in the first place. So, it is what it is….I do the “dog and pony show… do a few tricks, fake the laughter, smile’s and try to make a connection… otherwise, I’m a master of the game.. And I know how it’s supposed to be played.” Too bad that this doesn’t necessarily transfer over to my dating life…I’m like the psychic that will guide you on your future, cards, life, how many children that you will have; however, I live in a trailer, 3 kids, divorced and barely making ends meet. I cannot read my own cards… lol. It’s like that as a Recruiter… I guide people on hiring decisions, but the funniest part is, I need to apply these principles to my dating life… walk away when my gut instinct tells me to. However, like I was telling my therapist…. I seem to have great intuition, I just manage to second guess it, keep going and end up in a comedy of errors with my dating life… So, I’m unemployed now and while I’m interviewing for new positions, I have found myself with time to write and capture my stories that my friend’s and my therapist have been telling me for years to write and capture of my days of living in New York City, especially the dating one’s to share with all… as they’re that good and amusing… bear with me, as I’m reminiscing through and trying to go back and write them to publish. May the road go on forever and the party never end…
- Guest Post: Biggest Mistakes Women Make With Online Dating (30blinddates.wordpress.com)
- Online Dating – Memories is a warm (sushan003.wordpress.com)
- Online dating site begins premium “wingman” service (fox6now.com)
- Online Dating – next life, never to meet you (sushan003.wordpress.com)
- I’m like the Psychic that will guide you on your life, but can’t read my own cards… (justagirlinnyc.com)
- Your thoughts: online dating (dealbreakrs.wordpress.com)
- Online Dating (haylabell.wordpress.com)
Yeah. Fucking crystal ball
During the holidays, I decided to spend my first Christmas in New York City alone and after drinking a bottle or three of wine, I am determined to get back in the saddle again and update the online dating profile for the New Year… In walks in The Karaoke Cowboy…
So, it’s the same old story… you flirt back and forth on line, talk on the phone, set up the first date and you’re going to show up with an open mind and hope for the best. The first date is nice, we meet for drinks, dinner, have a great conversation, yet he’s always hiding across a table and etc. It’s winter, we’re in a lot of clothes..Is this guy wearing a fat suit? Its dark in here and I can’t tell..maybe it’s just the coat.
I have a nice time, but not convinced that I have any interest… to make a long story short, this guy was a nice guy, but besides the first date, every other date ended up with him directing us to some random bar to watch him sing Karaoke…with serenading me with multiple country/western song’s because I was from Texas. Then, he would get ridiculously drunk and try jumping me.
After one date, I remember running into the nearest taxi and leaving him on the street and grateful that the taxi came at the exact same time. The guy was nice, but was determined to continue to pursue me… I gave it several college tries, but I couldn’t do it. I felt no chemistry with this guy…not to mention, the Karaoke drove me crazy…especially, when he told me that this was his dream night out and he went 2-3 times a week to karaoke bars just to sing.
I think the last straw was the night that he showed up on my street hammered after being at a dinner with coworker’s and kept telling me that he got a new promotion and could “take care” of me and would be “very generous” to me in bed… I wanted to vomit and couldn’t peel his hands off of me or calm his drunken behavior without being pretty blunt. Such a disappointment, I’ll never forget him trying to guilt me about him actually trying to get me to let him stay at my apartment, let alone find out where I lived vs. him taking a Metro North train back out to the suburbs home.
Opposites may work at times, but a drunken scotch drinker in a fat suit, pawing all over me, then serenading me were not my idea of a good match.
After this disappointment and him stalking me for about 3 more months… I decided to stop dating and to focus on myself for a while… convinced that Prince Charming, or at the least a decent man with some character would come along and sweep me off my feet… does this truly happen to anyone?
2/3years later, this guy still has the same photos on his dating profile.
So….I’m back to the beginning again… No longer a tourist, or a commuting traveler to the city weekly for business….as you guess, I am now living in New York City. My company managed to relocate me to New York City from St. Louis, Missouri in early 2011. Prior to this, I lived in my own home, then a great loft in Soulard (St. Louis), then half in a room with a Hoarder in New York City, then to a studio apartment on the Upper East Side that is no more than 400sq. feet, yet costs in rent way more than my mortgage and more than double the rent of the large loft in St. Louis.. Yeah, but I’m living in the Big Apple, this is the place where people tell you that your apartment size doesn’t matter because the point is never to stay home and to take advantage of what this incredible city has to offer and get out.. “Your apartment is only an extension of your closet!”… I always loved that explanation and, yes… I’ve used it myself…several times.
I’ve gone a few months since the Producer left the stage and decided that it was time to try to attempt dating again in New York City…
In comes the young, determined, bright Attorney on the rise… he was a nice kid, yeah… kid. We had almost 8 years between us and he was quite tall, handsome, nervous with me and out to impress. I’ll never forget when we met at an old Speakeasy in Soho that was serving specialty cocktails… we sat across one another talking… learning about one another…he was delighted when I walked in and commented that I appeared so much better in person.. He couldn’t get close, because he was seated across the table…so, as the night progressed, he managed to get me to try multiple special cocktails, and then talk me into going to grab dinner…where he couldn’t wait to kiss me. He was a nice guy, and we had a great night, but the fact that he lived in New Jersey, and was too young for me was a deal breaker. I never saw him again, but he called and etc. a few times… it just faded away…
I managed to keep up the dating circuit and managed to meet the “Angry” guy…This guy was a special case, we met in person, very curt, to the point after Thanksgiving… we talked like in an interview, he was attractive, we shared a pizza, ordered drinks… he wanted to “share” a drink. Now, one thing that you need to know about me is that, “I’m not one that like’s to share food, drinks or much of anything else”.
This was odd..”Let’s share a margarita?” After all, we were at an Italian restaurant in the Union Square area and I’d been drinking red wine? Who wouldn’t think a Margarita was a beverage of choice in an Italian establishment. In addition, Who shares a Margarita? We aren’t girlfriends..There were some red flags in the evening, like we had to pay with a cashier, I had my own check and well, he paid for a few items, the sharing of a drink, I understand sharing a pizza, but a drink? Then, he proceeded to ask me to come over Sunday to watch a football game at his place and he would cook us dinner and etc. somewhere in Hoboken, New Jersey. Hmm…. I’ve never been there… how bad can it be?!?
Sunday comes around and almost 2 hours later, I make it to the frosty pier of the Path train and am wondering the streets of Hoboken looking for this guy’s apartment… I hadn’t eaten because I was going to eat at his place… or so, I thought.
So, I get there… he doesn’t text me…or answer the phone, I’m lost. After waiting on a street corner in the cold December afternoon, he finally calls and directs me to where he lives… He lives in a small apartment, not much furniture… very guy like.
When I ask about food, he hands me a beer and told me that he has bought an “eggplant?” to cook for us. Then, I ask if he has a recipe. And it goes downhill from here… He managed to sift through dirty spices, an old pan and attempt to cut up and fry pieces of eggplant that were heavily seeded, sour and oil soaked in awful…. Meanwhile, I scream as I see 2 Mice walk across his apartment into his bedroom. At this time, he yelled at me like I was in the wrong for being alarmed with the rodents running across the room…as if this was normal. Hmm….
Considering that I had a 2 hour commute back home, the place was infested with rodents, I was starving and it was a school night, I managed to leave Hoboken unscathed, starving and got home… never to see either Hoboken or that guy ever again. He remained in touch, kept calling, emailing texting until I ultimately asked him to lose my number and never contact me again. As the temper got even worse and I unknowingly found out that no one in his family spoke with him, he lost his job and didn’t see why he was being shunned with his behavior….very bizarre. When I had tried to advise him of the situation in a different light, I was privy to see his other half… Mr. Hyde… The Angry fella that he erupted into quickly. He verbally assaulted me and that was it.
He managed to send me crazy texts 6-8 months later, even called me a year later and wanted to speak with me… needless to say, I replied nicely, but did not re-engage any conversations as he’d tried to attempt. He was nuts.
So, my initiation to dating in New York City was not the typical transition, I aimed high in the Big city with Bright Lights… I landed a Broadway Producer to charm the pants off of me… literally.
As all good things must come to an end, we had our ups and downs… months of texts, stolen phone calls, and then he would just “appear” in NYCity and expect me to come running, drop everything.. see him between interviews with journalist’s, show’s and etc. You see, it was doomed from the beginning, as we lived in different dimensions.. I, the girl with the 9-5 job and he didn’t generally start his day until later, and then wouldn’t get out until after midnight. We met in dark corners of hotel bars, lounges, dinners in amazing places, I have seen the most amazing hotel’s in NYCity and most of his room’s had bigger bathroom’s than my entire apartment. Now, I know what it sounds like, but we also met for coffee and yes, he came to my tiny studio on Sunday morning one time pleading with me to stay in his life.
The last time that I saw him, he came to my place, we had an amazing talk, great evening together before he had to fly back to London… and I woke up to a note saying that he would be back in New York City in 3 weeks and would like to have dinner with me.. someplace “nice” xxx. Three weeks turned into months….
He managed to text me over the holidays simple smiley faces, or “xoxo, xxx” and etc.
I never saw him again, but I occasionally receive text messages. He’s now a very successful movie producer.