Source: Love The Way You Lie…
Why is it as we age, we start reminiscing more?
It was my birthday week and another year slipped by with happy hour, cocktails, meeting & celebrating with friends a hangover or two and I’ve realized that I have some amazing people in my life from all walks of life and from all backgrounds. I am blessed with a full life of friends and family. At times challenges, but all is with good intentions.
I’ve made some committments to myself this year that I’ve not kept well on and decided as I was walking through Central Park today, and noticing the ponds beginning to thaw that it’s time that I start making good on these and quit making excuses.
My treat to myself was to attend a past life regression workshop with Mira Kelly and she shared some wise words with us about, “following everything that excites you, not to let fear get in the way and be open to new experiences.”
I know, I could read this in a book, yet it rings true as I want to make changes in my life for the good, yet get stuck and end up sitting on the sofa making excuses.
At work, im a part of a strong womens network and we were working on our video’s for #passthetorch4women and I wrote and recorded to be more of an inspiration and influencer for women to be their authentic selves, but in hindsight I need to remember to do this, it has to start with me.
I need to be comitted to nuturing my own soul before I can be committed to inspiring change in others.
I’m committing to myself to make more positive changes, to challenge myself and inspire myself to be better.
Committing to be better with nuturing myself, healing my body and getting myself back in shape physically and mentally inside and out.
I’m on a new path…of taking care of myself first and loving who I am and who I’ve become, so that I can allow love in my world and make a difference through my changes. I am going to trust myself more and listen to my body, mind and not give as much to others of myself, but support from the side as a partner.
This may be a great new beginning.
You know the story, as it’s been written about in a lifetime of stories for centuries and it always starts with….Boy meets girl.
Boy makes girl smile, he makes her laugh and tells her she is pretty, smart, engaging and then, there is the chemistry. I haven’t even gotten to the similarities yet…finishing each other’s thoughts and sentences. Ahh…the beginning of a new relationship is blooming.
I’ve met a man who makes my heart spin cartwheels, he makes me smile so often that my face hurts, and his voice calms me when I hear it. At times, it’s as if we are the very mirror image of one another in many ways.
How is life so cruel? You meet the perfect person for you, seems to be the one, you know the one person that compliments you, the one that you didn’t even know that you were looking for and yet, you don’t have timing on your side. There are clues that something is amiss, but you call it an off moment. Then, you settle into the slow responses, or no responses, then the long silences, and eventually, you say your “goodbyes” and all that you remember is the word “friends” being mentioned. Then, you pick yourself up, put on your mask and step back into the world alone. Again.
Isn’t life funny? This is simply the universe whispering to me that, “Timing is Everything.”
I reply, “Timing is a Bitch!l”
Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? There are twists, turns, emotions, sadness, excitement and heightened feelings and emotions, as you try to fit everything into a small amount of time.
You’re partner is like a dealer of love or attention, and when they pull away or don’t lend that same attention or feeling to you…you want it more. It’s a sick game that your mind plays on you, as you slip from being that once confident person to becoming the one lying on the bathroom floor or laying in an empty be night after night going over every detail to try to figure out just when you stopped being the one and turned into that pathetic, needy version of yourself.
I’m not that person, but I can tell you from experience, I’ve been that person more than once. In all of life, I’ve never had one homerun in life in love, where I’ve felt the comfort in knowing someone will still be waiting for me when I get home… unless you’re talking about my four legged friends. Let’s be honest, they stay because I feed them.
In the back of my head, I always think that it is just a matter of time until this happens…the second guessing, a rough day and the day ends with one or both of you not making each other a priority.
Things slip, you stop talking a day here, stop sharing ideas, and you both add some space to focus on work, life and etc…until it eventually fades into just friends. I don’t handle this well when I can’t see someone, and I’ve never been good at long distance relationships or relationships where one travels too much between seeing one another.
Part of me knows this, then the other part is holding onto hope or a glimpse of this working out. It’s a cruel joke that life plays on you, especially when there are so many odds against you from the beginning.
My core tells me that it’s about managing, “the little things” and through these affirmations daily, you can try to beat the odds, but in life there are no guarantees and all is fair in Love and war, they say.
Sometimes I feel like I’m in the wrong world and possibly my dreams are the real world in which I should be living, dancing, singing, traveling and maybe that cat with the kittens that I keep saving will eventually stop having kittens for me to save. Then, there is the tiger that I see following me as I meander through fields, as I’m hanging out the side of a boat traveling down a river and the same tiger appears on the shore.
Maybe the cats are a series of warnings from my subconscious that when you’re dreaming of sitting at a baseball game and having a wonderful peaceful moment on a boat, and a tiger appears…perhaps someone in your life is meant to be the cause of the representative of the tiger?
You see, I’m scared of the tiger, yet drawn to him. When, I always save the kittens and the mother cat and I’m the savior.
This is a lot like life.
You never know when the tiger will show its stripes and or when it will attack.
Yet, you wake up each day and with good intentions keep traveling through your life in hopes that everything will be ok.
Lately, I’ve seen my share of tigers and I’m wondering if in some way, I’m not the cat that needs rescuing.
With each and every loss we have and every failure or love lost, it has all led me here. At times, these failures, I see as my greatest successes and at other times, just another girl with a dream. I still get up, get dressed and put myself back out there and know that I’m stronger than I feel.
Do you believe in true love? Do you believe in soulmates? Do you believe that the synchronicities that happen between to people are binding and add up to more reasons to explore?!
My answer: I don’t know.
Recently, I’ve been challenged with this very question, as I’ve met someone new that I actually met on Tinder, of all places. I was looking for someone to have drinks with, date and I ended up meeting someone that makes me feel like a teenager.
I met someone that is finishing my sentences, texts me with the same thought as I am texting him- at the same time, we have similar preferences with music, art, love of words, reading, poetry, similar level working in our careers (his boss being in the US & mine being in the UK), both dreamers, love travel and you say, “what’s not to like?!”
He lives on a…
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