Another year down…

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Why is it as we age, we start reminiscing more? 

It was my birthday week and another year slipped by with happy hour, cocktails, meeting & celebrating  with friends a hangover or two and I’ve realized that I have some amazing people in my life from all walks of life and from all backgrounds. I am blessed with a full life of friends and family. At times challenges, but all is with good intentions. 

I’ve made some committments to myself this year that I’ve not kept well on and decided as I was walking through Central Park today, and noticing the ponds beginning to thaw that it’s time that I start making good on these and quit making excuses. 

  

My treat to myself was to attend a past life regression workshop with Mira Kelly and she shared some wise words with us about, “following everything that excites you, not to let fear get in the way and be open to new experiences.” 

I know, I could read this in a book, yet it rings true as I want to make changes in my life for the good, yet get stuck and end up sitting on the sofa making excuses. 

At work, im a part of a strong womens network and we were working on our video’s for #passthetorch4women and I wrote and recorded to be more of an inspiration and influencer for women to be their authentic selves, but in hindsight I need to remember to do this, it has to start with me. 

I need to be comitted to nuturing my own soul before I can be committed to inspiring change in others. 

I’m committing to myself to make more positive changes, to challenge myself and inspire myself to be better. 

Committing to be better with nuturing myself, healing my body and getting myself back in shape physically and mentally inside and out. 

I’m on a new path…of taking care of myself first and loving who I am and who I’ve become, so that I can allow love in my world and make a difference through my changes. I am going to trust myself more and listen to my body, mind and not give as much to others of myself, but support from the side as a partner. 

This may be a great new beginning. 

Timing is Everything…





You know the story, as it’s been written about in a lifetime of stories for centuries and it always starts with….Boy meets girl.

Boy makes girl smile, he makes her laugh and tells her she is pretty, smart, engaging and then, there is the chemistry. I haven’t even gotten to the similarities yet…finishing each other’s thoughts and sentences. Ahh…the beginning of a new relationship is blooming.  

I’ve met a man who makes my heart spin cartwheels, he makes me smile so often that my face hurts, and his voice calms me when I hear it. At times, it’s as if we are the very mirror image of one another in many ways. 

How is life so cruel? You meet the perfect person for you, seems to be the one, you know the one person that compliments you, the one that you didn’t even know that you were looking for and yet, you don’t have timing on your side. There are clues that something is amiss, but you call it an off moment. Then, you settle into the slow responses, or no responses,  then the long silences, and eventually, you say your “goodbyes” and all that you remember is the word “friends” being mentioned.  Then, you pick yourself up, put on your mask and step back into the world alone. Again. 

Isn’t life funny? This is simply the universe whispering to me that, “Timing is Everything.”

I reply, “Timing is a Bitch!l”






I want to runaway

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I’m finding my self getting that incredible stir inside of me, you know….the one that makes me spin, the one that makes me laugh…just the the one that makes me magically want to leave it all behind and escape into a foreign land, a foreign place where there is nothing, but ruins, art, new sites, adventures, new friends, and a new beginning and maybe an end to something I’m leaving behind. 

 Either way, I’m getting the urge again to travel alone on a new adventure and take a leap into the unknown soon.

Is this just being bored, not being challenged, or am I ready for a change? I don’t know yet…my mind wanders to a time where I left everything and traveled several countries alone. It was scary, it was tough at times, but the life that came from the travels were amazing and I learned a lot about myself. 

I lost my home, left my love, lost my job, lost my dog, lost a cat, lost part of myself in the transition, yet on my travels I met myself again. A new, stronger self and have never looked back at a time in my life as a better opportunity.

 I would love to say that I’ve actually found a new love in my life, yet love evades me…as it usually does. It comes during a night and sneaks out by Dawn again with only a few lingering promises of love, a future, a dream of a lifetime that I yearn for and a wish on forever. 

 I’ve heard this story a hundred times or more in my forty plus years and it always ends the same, with me in tears, left waiting and never with the outcome one had hoped. 

Life is tough for a dreamer, yet dreams only come true for those who make wishes.

xx

Happy Valentine’s Day

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I’ve gone through the emotions of a fantastic date, a great love, to en emotionally unavailable ex, a string of bad dates from a Karaoke King to a Broadway Producer, then a Diplomat, the single parent, the Angry date and there is always one common theme… I just wanted to find someone that shared the same kind of strange ideas as myself, who could talk with me for hours and that in the end, I could find a connection with.

To all of the drinks, lonely nights, sonnets written, poems, mixed tapes, and playlists in the end… I just want him to whisper in my ear that he cares, hold my hand, talk with me about life and kiss the hell out of me like he means it.

If you find one of the above, you’re a lucky person. Hold onto it because passion is rare at times when love and friendship wavers, if you’ve not found it yet, have hope as it is waiting around the corner when you least expect it.

Stars

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He sends me lyrics, poems and songs. Shares his dreams, fantasies and childhood memories. He knows my secrets and I know his, yet we are both still like two star crossed teenagers finding love for the first time.

He makes my heart smile.

This is life…

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Sometimes I feel like I’m in the wrong world and possibly my dreams are the real world in which I should be living, dancing, singing, traveling and maybe that cat with the kittens that I keep saving will eventually stop having kittens for me to save. Then, there is the tiger that I see following me as I meander through fields, as I’m hanging out the side of a boat traveling down a river and the same tiger appears on the shore.

Maybe the cats are a series of warnings from my subconscious that when you’re dreaming of sitting at a baseball game and having a wonderful peaceful moment on a boat, and a tiger appears…perhaps someone in your life is meant to be the cause of the representative of the tiger?

You see, I’m scared of the tiger, yet drawn to him. When, I always save the kittens and the mother cat and I’m the savior.

This is a lot like life.

You never know when the tiger will show its stripes and or when it will attack.

Yet, you wake up each day and with good intentions keep traveling through your life in hopes that everything will be ok.

Lately, I’ve seen my share of tigers and I’m wondering if in some way, I’m not the cat that needs rescuing.

With each and every loss we have and every failure or love lost, it has all led me here. At times, these failures, I see as my greatest successes and at other times, just another girl with a dream. I still get up, get dressed and put myself back out there and know that I’m stronger than I feel.

Swiped Right

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It may have started with a swipe left or a swipe right, then a charming bio about his love of travel, dining and life and a few goofy photos while traveling posted on a profile, yet now I find myself waiting for each exchange from this man, who was once just a swipe right.

I’m grateful for his kind words, his romantic gestures and ache for all that he could become. All that I know is that I love the way that he makes me smile, the way his words touch my soul and how I imagine our days and nights together.

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Tis’ the season…

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T’was the weekend before Christmas and all through the studio apartment….the only creature stirring was my cat Luxe…. haha. Not really, he’s passed out on the bed…as I type away with a glass of wine in front of my Christmas tree.

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Sorry for my delayed posting, but with the holidays approaching quickly, my heavy interviewing schedule and trying to keep up with my friends, family, gift shopping and shipping…my world has been in overdrive…and as the end of the year 2013 nears… yes, there was a resurfacing in my life of a person that I thought that I once loved or possibly still do. Jury is still out on this one.

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I’ve debated on writing about him and due to my current feelings for him, and for reasons that I cannot understand, and mostly out of respect; determined that he needs to remain in the vault for now. Although, the tales are quite entertaining and would make most laugh; they need to be held tightly until I am capable of understanding them myself.

So, with this, I wish all of you a Happy Holiday Season… as I will be writing again soon enough, but taking a needed break over the holidays.

Thank you again for the follow’s and for all of your support. I look forward to sharing more of my life stories with you soon enough.

 

All the best-

Justagirlinnyc

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Bad Gifts, The Christmas Spirit and What happens at a Holiday Party…stays there…right?

White Elephant, Chinese Christmas, Gag gift, re-gifting parties are always a great time…

I always wanted to be a “good-gifter”, since I know what being the victim of a bad gift feels like.

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In regards to gifts, as I was growing up I used to get the worst Christmas gifts and these continued into my adulthood from my grandparents or aunt.  Whatever it was, I usually received the pink one and my sister, the blue one.

Some of my favorite worst gifts were in my teenage years….

There was a strange flannel nightgown with little flowers all over it, and resembled something from, the TV show, “Little house on the prairie.”

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Another was white ceramic cat that had pink rabbit fur glued to it, always makes me laugh remembering opening these gifts and I’m sure that my face said it all.

I finally started putting their gifts to the side and allowing my sister to open them first. One year, my sister opened a ring gift box first and it was a beautiful opal setting and showing it to us. I’m thinking… could they have possibly gotten this right? Then, I open my ring box to see a pearl ring. You’re thinking, wow…that is a nice gift, right? Yeah, well…my pearl was the size of an eyeball. It was something out of a costume bin or a gumball machine and it was hilarious, probably not to me at the time, but I did love showing it to people as they looked horrified.

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As I got older, the gifts became more awkward.

When I was in my 30’s, I will never forget that I received a package of what appeared to be underwear. I thought that was odd enough, but this was a leopard print netting mesh panty set with top. Umm….. Ok. What the hell is this?  Did they send me a nighty?

Odd thing about it, was that they didn’t have a crotch?! My grandmother sent me crotch less panties?? I gave these to goodwill with a laugh wondering who would buy them at Goodwill.

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Then, another year, I received a strange lamp that I recall re-gifting and taking to a White Elephant gift exchange party… If I recall, someone actually fought over the ugly lamp. It was a crazy leopard lampshade thing.

Another time, my two close guy friends in high school once bought me a sweater for Christmas. It was “hands down” the ugliest sweater that I have ever owned.  I recall that it was a blend of light brown, teal, purple, & black that I’d ever seen. However, since they were so proud of it, I had to act like I loved it and also wear it.

Then, I have had boyfriends give me some crazy things as well, some of which I wondered who they were shopping for when I opened them. Awful earrings, one gave me, I recall Christmas morning opening them and being so disappointed.  There were so many funny gifts, one guy I dated bought me a DVD once, and I was like, “What is this? Who buys me a $10 DVD?” and I think that I’d bought him the DVD player. Umm, typical of my dating life… When it comes to gifts from people you are dating, I have learned that it’s better to just tell them what to buy you.

In my family, we always have a tradition on Christmas Eve with our friends to have a “White Elephant” party. They are generally awfully funny gifts that we intentionally buy for laughter, shock value and are usually hilarious. I must explain that this is one of the best events all year long, as we plan and prepare for this sometimes months in advance. While others show up with something normal or without a gift at all, the original members of the family tradition and friends always show up prepared for fun. My mother always has an extra gift or two wrapped, just incase someone shows up unprepared.

The funniest part about these parties is when someone new comes and they bring a nice gift and don’t necessarily understand the concept of a “gag gift” and bring something good, that you would actually want, yet they receive one of the funnier gifts.

I’ve seen the likes of a gift bag containing Peanut Butter, Jelly and a loaf of bread, singing stuffed animals, sexy toys, literally jingle bells men’s jock straps, and one year there was the set of men’s thongs that were furry and looked like Rudolph the red nosed reindeer with bells and all, bottles of booze, children’s toys, some of my favorites were from the “As Seen On TV” aisle or the Infomercial gifts. I think that I still have the “Shake Weight” somewhere around here…it’s that arm weight dumb bell thing, that looks like you’re doing something sexual jerking your arms up and down to tone them.

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Others were Chia Pets, The Clapper, Flow bee, the thigh master, and such.  The funnier part of these gifts is that some are so funny that they’re recycled year after year…like the infamous “Hank Williams” that sung and after a few years, he was finally retired.

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I personally favored the booze gifts; however, as I was always traveling, I was unable to take the bottles on the plane, so it always seemed like we were trying to drink it down before I flew home.

So, as I prepared to go to another party like this a few years ago, I found the classic gift to bring…The neck massager. It was perfectly perverse, as you could imagine it was shaped like a “C” and a woman could actually sit on it for vibration. I think to myself, wow… this is perfect. Under $15 and will be a classic terrible gift. My friend that I was going with said that they understood the concept and wrapped a gift in a bag and away we go.

The party gets along with a lot of drinking, booze, there is some food…we’re all having a blast, they even have karaoke set up in the living room…after an hour or two, it’s time for the gift exchange. By now, we’re all too drunk to understand some of the rule’s, or they’re being made up as we go.

So, the game begins, people are picking, swapping gifts, there is a bottle of booze, a pocket vibrator with some lubricant in a stocking…it’s hilarious, someone opens a red velvet thong set for a man with white trim and yes, it’s fought over…next thing you know my friend grabs it and is running around with these over his jeans.

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Finally, someone picks my neck massager, it’s an immediate hit, it’s immediately being ridden like a bull, and the rest of the party was a blur as I think that neither of us ended up parting with any of them…but woke up with a terrible hangover and calling each other trying to recap the night.

Later that afternoon, I open my purse to find something and find the Santa inspired men’s thong and a pocket rocket vibrator..hahaha and I laugh to myself… I finally left with the good gift!! How in the hell did these get here? I can’t wait to re-gift these again…the thong, not the vibrator.

Then, I find a video on my phone of my friends singing, “Hit me with your best shot!” ….One wearing the Santa thong, another in a green velvet jingle bells thong, and the third figured out how to straddle the neck massager and connect it to them…as he is holding a male blow up doll.

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My friend later admits that he found the blow up doll in his entry of his apartment and had also pissed himself and vomited somewhere, as there were evidence on his clothes, along with a bag from Mc Donalds…we laughed so hard about him walking passed his doorman with that bag of food and a blow up man doll.

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He never told me what he did with it, and I erased that video, as I never wanted to view it again…it was THAT bad.

This was such a fun night.

Classic Christmas tale.

When did LinkedIn become an online dating site?!?!

Online dating typically leads to a great story or three, so when I ask the question, “When did LinkedIn become an online dating site?” I’m being sincere.

In my professional life, I tend to work on LinkedIn quite frequently as a networking tool; however, lately, I have been receiving email’s from men that send what seems to be legitimate invitations to “connect” and once we do, they email me seriously odd emails about my photo that I have posted. Which is odd because it’s not a sexually explicit photograph and it’s actually a selfie that I took of myself last year, if you want to be specific of its origin.

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Anyways….over the past year, I have received several email’s that I’ve shared among my friends and coworkers as humor. Men…you should know that if you send something this ridiculous, it will be shared…that is just human nature.

Recently, I’ve ended my current consulting engagement and have received no less than 3-4 emails in the past 3 weeks from random men asking me about my marital status, telling me that I’m attractive, or… I love this one, “you have the most beautiful eyes, face & lips.” Really?!

Well, as I was sitting there last night, drinking a cup of tea and following up on my email, I accepted a few invitations for connections on LinkedIn, not thinking anything odd about them, until later I read the following email from Scott:

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Date: December 2, 2013

Hello beautiful, staring at your lovely eyes for the past five minutes has been one of the most wonderful encounters i have had in quite a while, you make me think of the world like it is not gonna be a nice place to live in for the next 50 years without you in my life, your smile is like one of my best memories,i know this might sound hilarious but believe me its the truth i think you are the kind of woman i would want to wake up to see her beautiful face for the rest of my life, pardon me my name is scott

Ummm…. Well, let’s see Scott, first of all, “I sincerely thank you for the creepy email on Linked In and I do apologize that your next 50 years will be without me in your life. However, unfortunately,  I have met enough crazy people recently.”

Best wishes –

H

The photo of Scott was quite interesting as well, and it offered up some good banter between myself and some friends.

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No, I didn’t send this email; however, this morning, I got an email notification that my Match.com account (that I did not even know was still active) was automatically renewed. After an exhausting phone call, they wouldn’t refund my money (F-ck!). Therefore, I may be forced to try online dating again soon enough, if I don’t find love, well…maybe I’ll find a good story or three. With this being the case, maybe I am ready to try the whole online dating strategy once again in search of love…what is the worst thing that could happen?!?

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The irony is that since I wrote this story, I’ve received no less than 4 more..these are to become the sequels.