Let the Dating games begin…In the game, “Pin the tail on the Donkey.. Who is the Ass?”

pinthetailonthe donkey

After a grueling few months of work, no dating, a 10 day holiday with my mother… I decided to put myself back out there on the market… not the job market, the dating market…

Do you remember playing, “Pin the tail on the Donkey” as a kid?  Online dating is kind of like that, but imagine a blend of Craigslist.com, Amazon.com & EBay.com without the review’s and it is a crapshoot on the photos.

My online dating rules  of mine have always been:

  1. They MUST have more than one photo. No excuses.
  2. Body shot photos are an automatic disqualification
  3. They must be local, must text, speak with and meet in a timely manner in a public place.
  4. People looking for pen pals or wanting to immediately send you dirty photos are automatically deleted/blocked.

So, I managed to post my profile, and the process begins… I get contacted by a guy who lives in NY, is within a few years of my age, yet younger, has 3 photos posted and seems cute. One of the photos is of his body clothed with a dog. We exchange emails, chat, text, and we even speak on the phone before he asked me out on a Friday night to meet. His name is Rob.

So, I end up meeting Rob at a local bar on my street, when I walk there.. I’m nervous because I hope that I will recognize him upon sight. Wishing for the best, I was walking up and I see a cute blonde guy smoking out front and he sees me, but doesn’t say anything…(damn). I keep walking into the long, dark bar and out of nowhere a guy that I never would’ve recognized as the guy in the photo. He greets me with a huge hug and “Hello Heather! ”Can I get you a drink?” Umm…WTF? Who is the guy in front of me?!

I’m still stifled and sitting there taking it all in, ask for a beer and staring at him trying to find a resemblance to the photo’s in the online dating ad. It’s not that he’s unattractive, but he’s not the same guy..Or the photos are old or something. He’s about 6ft tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, fit, and funny…he is telling me jokes and we start people watching because there is Karaoke at the bar where we meet and people are drunk, dancing everywhere, and it’s something of a show to watch. Hilarious…I finally let my guard down, but trying to figure out if I can leave.. There is no way out without getting by him. I cannot even go to the restroom and escape.. Ugh. I’m going with the attitude that, “I’m going to make the most of it!”….. “GO ALL IN or GO HOME!” and I couldn’t go home.. So, the adventure begins with Rob.

The evening ended up going really well, we actually ended up having a great time, he managed to talk his way back to my apartment and after much wine and conversation… slept over…ummm, yeah.. That too.

I woke up to having a man cuddling with me, kissing on me and asking me to lunch. I took his hand, kissed him back, and accepted his lunch invitation.

Let the games begin… In the game, “Pin the tail on the Donkey.. Who is the Ass?”

The Karaoke King…

karaoke king

During the holidays, I decided to spend my first Christmas in New York City alone and after drinking a bottle or three of wine, I am determined to get back in the saddle again and update the online dating profile for the New Year… In walks in The Karaoke Cowboy…

So, it’s the same old story… you flirt back and forth on line, talk on the phone, set up the first date and you’re going to show up with an open mind and hope for the best. The first date is nice, we meet for drinks, dinner, have a great conversation, yet he’s always hiding across a table and etc. It’s winter, we’re in a lot of clothes..Is this guy wearing a fat suit? Its dark in here and I can’t tell..maybe it’s just the coat.

I have a nice time, but not convinced that I have any interest… to make a long story short, this guy was a nice guy, but besides the first date, every other date ended up with him directing us to some random bar to watch him sing Karaoke…with serenading me with multiple country/western song’s because I was from Texas. Then, he would get ridiculously drunk and try jumping me.

After one date, I remember running into the nearest taxi and leaving him on the street and grateful that the taxi came at the exact same time. The guy was nice, but was determined to continue to pursue me… I gave it several college tries, but I couldn’t do it. I felt no chemistry with this guy…not to mention, the Karaoke drove me crazy…especially, when he told me that this was his dream night out and he went 2-3 times a week to karaoke bars just to sing.

I think the last straw was the night that he showed up on my street hammered after being at a dinner with coworker’s and kept telling me that he got a new promotion and could “take care” of me and would be “very generous” to me in bed… I wanted to vomit and couldn’t peel his hands off of me or calm his drunken behavior without being pretty blunt. Such a disappointment, I’ll never forget him trying to guilt me about him actually trying to get me to let him stay at my apartment, let alone find out where I lived vs. him taking a Metro North train back out to the suburbs home.

Opposites may work at times, but a drunken scotch drinker in a fat suit,  pawing all over me, then serenading me were not my idea of a good match.

After this disappointment and him stalking me for about 3 more months… I decided to stop dating and to focus on myself for a while… convinced that Prince Charming, or at the least a decent man with some character would come along and sweep me off my feet… does this truly happen to anyone?

2/3years later, this guy still has the same photos on his dating profile.

The Producer… aka Broadway…or Hollywood…

images

So, my initiation to dating in New York City was not the typical transition, I aimed high in the Big city with Bright Lights… I landed a Broadway Producer to charm the pants off of me… literally.

As all good things must come to an end, we had our ups and downs… months of texts, stolen phone calls, and then he would just “appear” in NYCity and expect me to come running, drop everything.. see him between interviews with journalist’s, show’s and etc. You see, it was doomed from the beginning, as we lived in different dimensions.. I, the girl with the 9-5 job and he didn’t generally start his day until later, and then wouldn’t get out until after midnight. We met in dark corners of hotel bars, lounges, dinners in amazing places, I have seen the most amazing hotel’s in NYCity and most of his room’s had bigger bathroom’s than my entire apartment. Now, I know what it sounds like, but we also met for coffee and yes, he came to my tiny studio on Sunday morning one time pleading with me to stay in his life.

The last time that I saw him, he came to my place, we had an amazing talk, great evening together before he had to fly back to London… and I woke up to a note saying that he would be back in New York City in 3 weeks and would like to have dinner with me.. someplace “nice” xxx. Three weeks turned into months….

He managed to text me over the holidays simple smiley faces, or “xoxo, xxx” and etc.

I never saw him again, but I occasionally receive text messages. He’s now a very successful movie producer.

Broadway…

So…it’s 2010 and I’ve been traveling to NYC on business for a year…let’s see how much that I can capture from my memory..

I’m traveling here, living out of a suitcase, airplanes, coach seating.. some aisle, window and a few middle seats trying to schlep back and forth for business.. always searching YELP for the best restaurant closest to the hotel, checking out a bar here and there…reading a book over a glass of wine and trying not to “cramp the style” of my friends that live in the city with my constant evening adventures in search of my dinner..

One night, I was traveling and they couldn’t find me a hotel any where close to the office in Midtown East and placed me in a god awful hotel room in Times Square with paper thin wall’s, if I spanned my arm reach.. I could touch the wall’s and I actually had a SINGLE bed.. and, get this.. to watch the HUGE 60” flat screen tv, I had to lever it and swing it from the side wall above the bed. Yeah, high class, baby.. Did I mention that I was in Times Square?!?!? Well, not only was I in Times Square, my paltry excuse for a hotel room with the single bed, which was somewhat similar in size to a closet that I once had…I realized that I also was in the back of the building and directly next to a famous Broadway show with loud music, of which I could hear while I was in the room 2 times a night.. LOL.  Now, who will complain about the free show from the hotel closet that my company was paying a great deal of cash for?!? Hmm.. My bathroom happened to be larger than the bed actual room, which was extremely odd.

Either way, I found the greatest little Italian restaurant from my nightly scavenger hunt for dinner. The place was always crowded with the Broadway crowd and I perused up to the bar to get nice glass of Super Tuscan to wash down my Caprese Salad..followed by their Penne Arrabiatta, which reminded me of my many visits to Italy…This place became a staple dinner to me in the city during my travels.

One night a month or so later, I walked late out of the office, back to the stuffy hotel that I was staying in Midtown East and craving the same dinner experience… I traveled through the streets of midtown in a casual outfit back to my Italian place… to an empty bar to get dinner.

As I was sitting there… enjoying my wine.. I noticed someone staring at me from the front of the restaurant outside.. I knew immediately that he was coming in to sit next to me.. Again, empty bar.. me, bartender.. you get it.

Long story short, within 5 minutes, he’d taken the seat next to me.. not even a chair between..drummed up a conversation and had talked me into coming into the 2nd half of the Broadway show next door. He walked me in himself, gave me a 2nd row seat and told me that he wanted me to “text him after to tell him how the show was and if I disliked it, he would refund me the money of the ticket!?” Yeah, the very one that I didn’t pay for.. then brought me a beer to watch and enjoy the show..  I thought to myself, “Wow, NYC is AWESOME!!”..

Anyway, the show was amazing, I was up dancing, laughing, singing and soon realized that the show was the VERY SAME SHOW that I’d heard 2X a night earlier during my stay in the tiny hotel room from hell.

Did I mention that I also worked for a tyrant who was not only calling my cell phone at 11pm at night during the show to get me to call a candidate?!?! Yet, was also incessantly texting me while I was there..so, when I walked out.. I was standing amongst the brazen dirty remnants of Times Square on the phone next to the ragamuffin version of Elmo and Smurfette returning call’s…and completely forgot to text the guy, who happened to be the Producer of the Broadway show!?lol

Either way, afterwards, I did text.. he invited me out for drinks, but I had an early morning, “Thanked him” and declined. HE then texts.. “How about a PROPER date tomorrow night?”

Now, how does a girl turn this down, knowing that I would have to determine where my dinner plans would take me any way….this helped with that situation, so I accepted.

At this moment, I was thinking… NYC is Magical…. And it still is. Yes, I went out with the Producer, met him several times thereafter before realizing that his reality and mine were on two very different realities. We became very close & connected on occasion…however, all that glitters is not gold. *remember this

However, it was a neat experience…there is WAY more to this story… however, I’ll be very clear that all names in this blog will be considered fictional…. umm… yeah.. here is the line: 

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

What dreams may come?

My Dating stories prior to NYC…and we all come to NYC to fall in Love, right?

dating

 

Outstanding dating stories over my many years of spinsterhood, singlehood, singleton..what ever..

1.) I met one guy for drinks and he didn’t look anything like his photos online. When I met him for a drink, he was not only snapping/waving his arms at the bartender at a quaint Tapas bar/restaurant on a week night, he started to ask the bartender questions when she did come by. Questions asked were: “What’s with the hair?” , “With your tattoo collection, what kind of school’s did you attend?”, Hmm.. Let’s just say, I was extremely embarrassed and well, then he started commenting on my cleavage and asking me what bra/cup size that I was. That date actually tried to kiss me at the car. I honestly was appalled, not only by his behavior, but by his lack of tact and obvious misrepresentation of himself in his profile/photo.

He kept sending me email’s/text msgs apologizing after the date.

2.) One guy that I met for drinks.. kept moving my chair closer & closer to his every time that I would go to the restroom. Then, he kept groping and grabbing at my clothes, trying to touch my legs/arms/hair, while we were at the bar and I was not into the guy at all. He kept asking me out, telling me that he was “definitely attracted to me”. I finally told him about the groping and etc. was not cool, and he asked me out continuously, but I never agreed. This guy sent me an email the other day explaining to me how he had a “Natural Attraction” to me and wanted to get together again to try not to touch me… yeah, I opted not to see him again.

3.) One guy ate with his mouth open and kept talking and spitting, then I watching a game. He had a problem with eye contact when talking, the food never came off of my shirt that he spat at me. (j/k)

4.) Another took me a place to have pizza, asked me to get the pizza and he would pick up another time, then took me to a bar to watch him play pool, where he insisted that I drink the type of beer that he liked and not what I wanted? (Strange date).

I was stuck there, couldn’t ditch him, the place was too small. He is a nice guy, but it didn’t manage to work out…wonder why?
5.) I met another guy and he seemed semi normal when I talked with him.This guy was very, very strange and had several unresolved issues that I didn’t care to figure out what they were.Ok. We talked on the phone and agreed to meet for Happy Hour at a place close to my office after work. He called me on his way there and I told him that I would be there shortly, however, being in HR, sometimes issues occur, which are not always convenient to your schedule that you have to attend to.
So, I don’t recall what the HR issue was, but I was running late, so I called and let him know that I would be leaving the office in about 15-20mins and apologized.
When I got to the meeting place, he was strategically sitting facing a strange way away from me, at first, I was flustered and didn’t notice. He was really uptight. So, I sat there and ordered a beverage. This is when it got interesting.
He actually started “grilling” me about why it took me 18 minutes from the time that I called him and the time that I arrived, when my office was located across a highway from where we met?
I explained traffic, getting out of the office and etc., yet this was not enough, he kept at it. Then, I ordered another drink, and he started in again on “We agreed to meet at 5:30pm, I don’t understand why you didn’t leave earlier to be here on time.” Again, I explained that my position does not always allow me to leave on time when I have an employee issue and etc. He still didn’t get it or move on to a different subject, even when I tried.
Finally, after listening to this for 45mins, and 2 beers, I was ready to go. He actually ended with, “Well Heather, I think that this went really well, let’s set up another date for next week?” Mind you, when he said this, my face must have said it all. I thanked him.

He still called. I cannot recall his name, but I do remember that when I finally saw him move sides, he had a lazy eye, which was interesting enough for me…otherwise, it could have been a mask…not sure.. I ran.

5. ) Ok, you will like this one. When I started the online dating, I met this guy that I met for coffee and we hit it off in conversation and personality. He was fun, and seemed fairly bright and witty. However, when ever we met, it was rushed, so that I had to be some place or he did. We met for lunch one time, a drink once, and no kissing, just talking and phone calls/emails/IM’s. I had traveled with work a few times, so had he, then I had family in town, friends come visit and etc, so I was never available for weekends for about a month. Plus, I was volunteering one weekend, I guess. So, finally, after all of my visitors and traveling, it was coming to a weekend and I didn’t hear from him. So, he called me Monday morning, as I was driving to work to see how I was, and I joked with him, “Fine, How was the wife and kid this weekend? Keep you so busy, that you couldn’t call me?”

Needless to say, he made up some excuse, but later in the day via IM asked me how I felt about married me and if I was “into” them? Then, I was pretty blunt with him.. he came clean that he was in fact married, with a 2yr old and unhappily married to his college sweetheart, but would be getting a divorce and etc. blah.. blah.. blah..

The guy kept calling me, even called me with his kid in the car. I finally explained to him in a not so nice way that he needed to leave me alone.

This guy is still online and called me at odd hours this weekend and then, sent me an email on Monday morning asking me, “How was the sex on Friday night..who were you with?” .. I replied, “Excuse me, Aren’t you still married? How is your wife/kid?”

6.) I met another guy for a drink that I met online and we had a great time talking and sharing stories.. when he got off the bar stool to go to the restroom, he was about  4ft tall. Technically, he may have been a dwarf, I am not sure. He definitely shopped in the children’s section of the store…

7.) Then there was the power-hungry young CEO that I went out with..who picked me up with a car service and took me to a fancy rooftop for drinks/dinner. When we got to the venue and the guy who was driving us let me out, I said, “Thank You” and the guy that I was on the date with said, “Don’t Thank Him, He is our help..I paid for him to just be silent and do his job!” (Ok, you’re obviously not the man for me).

Then, the conversation was good, yet he managed to belittle everyone that he could in my presence, then on the way to my house, driving through my neighborhood he goes, “I could never live in an area like this, it reminds me of where I lived starting out..which is pathetic?”…

Hmm.. What in the hell? This is a first date and yes, he asked me out again.. yet, I had already determined that wasn’t going to happen..

Ok, after rehashing my dating stories, they are hilarious, yet somewhat disappointing; however, I have remained optimistic through all of it and then, I moved to NYC for a new job.. traveling.. and have since met some gem’s…and the story continues… after being in the city 3 years.. I’ve been urged by many of my friends to share my stories about my daily life.. as it’s somewhat of a carnivale… yes, that’s the best description for my many experiences that I’ve encompassed here during my years living in Manhattan.

Even through the trials of kissing many frog’s, I have always believed that my prince is out there….and I will find love in the city that never sleeps..

 download

There were so many more.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑