Free Drinks…What’s not to like?!?

 free drinks

So, Friday comes around, and I invite a friend to join us at the party in Chelsea. The night seems simple enough, catch taxi, pick up friend, and get to Art Studio in Chelsea to a magazine party. Typical Friday night in New York City, right?

Whilst we were on our trek in the taxi, we get stuck in stand still traffic on 5th Avenue around Rockefeller Center and opt to get out and take a subway downtown. At some point, my phone rings while on the Subway and it’s my friends at the party telling me that “They’re leaving because there is a huge line and its bullshit!” Then, the call drops and I haven’t a clue where they are heading…so, we decide to go on to the party to meet them or wait to get above ground to call. As we’re walking in the freezing temperatures to the event, we get to the event and there is a massive line to get in.

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My friend sends me a text to come to the backstage and come to the seats (bypass the line).  At this point, I’m in no mood because I’m sober, starving and this place is a shit show full of a people standing in line for something.

After a long stretch of exhausting texts, my friend comes to the line to retrieve us to enter the party….we bypass the line, gate keeper, walk through a maze of hallways into a strange room, where there are half-naked men/some women changing (presume they are model’s). I spy one guy with his hands down his knickers playing with his balls and wondering, “What in the hell kind of party is this?”

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There are some people drinking, and then I realize that we are in the back stage area and it is separated by a sheet to the fashion stage (front).  We walk through the sheet and are seated to the right front row seats for the show that is about to start.

Imagine an extremely hot and overcrowded room and there are people all around standing; photographers to the left waiting for the fashion show to begin.  It’s hotter than hell in this tiny room…I’m pulling off my huge coat, and presume that I look like I’ve just worked out with the amount of sweat rolling down my back.

I am completely mesmerized by the people watching here tonight, there is a cross dresser in a strange dress, makeup melting with the high heat and the Adams apple and goatee are clear giveaways.

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Then, I’m caught staring across at a woman in a moo moo type dress with zebra’s stitched in the dress (What in the hell kind of outfit is this?) and she is wearing some strange shoe hybrid that is a blend of a high-top sneaker and wedge. Around this same time, I catch another woman giving me the stink eye or possibly, that is just the way she look’s normally, and she is wearing a huge necklace resembling medium sized bowling balls around her neck and I’m wondering how much it weighs…as it is awful.

I’m thinking to myself and by this time, and probably saying it out loud, “Why am I Sober? Where are the free drinks? ” At some point, I know that I was thinking that this is why flasks were invented. I was definitely complaining about the fact that I was too sober to be in the venue with this show and I was trying to hold back my laughter as there were serious fashion people taking photos and among us waiting to see this new line.

I’m sitting in a chair and the show begins with a brief show with clothed models…then, they announce that we are preparing for the second show to begin in 5 minutes. There were random men walking about in their underwear.

Then the lights are lowered and within minutes and low and behold, there is a cock in my face. I am staring at men modeling briefs as they walk by me…his junk is in my exact line of vision, approximately a few feet from my face, and I am asking myself, “How funny is this? Wait, is that a tattoo on this guy, or is he wearing a tiger tooth?”

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I’m trying to do anything that I can, not to laugh.

Yes, you are thinking Marky Mark (Mark Wahlberg) wearing boxer briefs in the Calvin Klein ad, aren’t you? Well, if that were the case, I would be smiling and content. However, imagine a dirty version of juveniles, covered with tattoos, and wearing sneakers and jungle themed jewelry. Hahaha… some of my friends would love that image, I imagine.

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Then, even in the hottest venue I realize, ”Hold On….I’m going to take photo’s as no one would believe this is how I spent my evening.”

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I know that you’re wondering… how did I end up here? Oh yeah…

 

The Email:

Hey guys,

Let’s go to this party on Friday! What’s not to like? Free drinks and all…All you need to do is send a confirmation message with your names.

See you Friday!

-X

(No mention of men in underwear)

Me:

Sounds Great!! I’ll touch base on Friday and see you there!

-H

In looking back at this invitation, there is no mention of underwear clad young men traipsing about showing off their manhood, but it was a great night with friends and every time I think about it, I laugh.

I finally got that drink after we finally left this place, but managed to be home and in bed by midnight with a great story; however, not before sending cock shots of my evening to my friends to share the love. 🙂

This event was a complete shotshow

Unrequited love…the cruelest version of love there is.

unrequited love quote download

Unrequited love

Web definitions

Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer’s deep and strong romantic affections. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as “not reciprocated or returned in kind. …

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unrequited_love

I’ve been the victim of this feeling and honestly can recall during these times in my life that they were some of the worst holidays that I’ve ever had, not to mention years.

Shakespeare said that, “Journeys end in lovers meeting”…. I have yet to experience this, but he also said, “Love is blind.” This, I have known all too well.

Love is something that we all are in search of throughout this journey in life; it’s something we are always wanting. We seek out love within our family’s, our friends, and our pet’s, in our work, through our experiences and such. Life is not such, but you see, I’ve willingly given myself in love to some men and it’s only to have been unrequited… In looking back, these were the worst Christmas’s, birthdays, and holidays and years at times, as I was always trying to see the value in the moments that were met with these lover’s that I had. You see, I was lying to myself about what the situation truly was and I imagined that what they had told me in our times together, were not only that of value, but of honestly and truth.  They did not love me back and in all honesty, looking back. I don’t know if I truly loved them either. I was in love with the idea of being in love. I spent many New Year’s Eve’s alone for years, only to bring in the New Year with a constant drink in hand and a cruel hangover in an empty bed.

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This is definitely a new holiday season and when I wonder what is missing, it’s not that I live thousands of miles from my family, but it’s that I’m not a victim of unrequited love at present, not even a love interest… I don’t have love in my heart right now for anyone,  but I’m completely open to finding love again, but only if it’s the passionate, fall in love, butterflies in my stomach, hand holding, kissing and walking around with a grin ear to ear kind of love. Wish me luck and follow me on my journey.

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If it’s supposed to happen….It Will.

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Life is full of surprises….as you may, may not know that I have a long history of working in technology and consider myself somewhat of a nerd at times; however, when I’m working, I always have a difficult time with managing work/life balance. However, once I’m unemployed or on a break between contracts, I’m the most open to romance, happiest girl in the world…elated really and I guess that my energy is at its  best when I’m in search of my next big step.

It’s been a few months since my heart was ripped out, stomped on and made to feel like a dog’s chew toy. I am feeling much better health wise, as I’m back in Physical Therapy… I had a bad MRI last year, after limping and going through challenges of dealing with pain, numbness and etc. I was to learn that I have Spinal Stenosis (narrowing of my spinal canal), my L2-L5S1 are herniated, I have arthritis and slight scoliosis. As I was seeing, “The Diplomat”… I learned all of this and managed to go through 3 rounds of Spinal Epidural Injections (2 each time)…which are such fun. Imagine this, sitting on a gurney on your stomach in front of an X-ray while someone numbs your spine and back as they wait for the numbing to occur, they draw on your spine for entry points to stick a needle into the area’s between your discs to puncture the spinal area and first shoot a dye that they watch on the X-ray and then insert the steroids to try to help the injured area. The process while being numbed is frightening thinking that they’re working so closely on your spine, yet it’s oddly simple and complex at the same time. The pain is indifferent because I’m generally in a lot of pain and at the time, I was in a lot of pain. So, anything is worth trying to help ease the discomfort that I was in constantly.

As you can imagine, steroids manage to escalate your emotions, wreak havoc on your body, and you are only allowed so many during a specific time period because of the damage that could occur. Well, being alone living in NYC, living in a walk up, having no family, finding out that I had such issues that could result in worse issues…my mental state wasn’t the greatest. This man could’ve told me anything…I was not in a place to date anyone. It was clearly an emotional high to have him in my life…the one thing that I looked forward to, actually quite sad. My work life was dwindling, I felt as though I had a limited work/life balance, but would try to remain extremely driven and ensure that I was able to not only add value, but be able to deliver during this time, to not hinder my job as well.

I sought out a Therapist that specialized in working with people with illness and helping them manage the pain, then helping with their abilities through dreams, mental exercises in uplifting these issues. My only regret is not looking for him sooner.

At present, I realized that had I not been in such an ugly place mentally with my health, I never would have allowed such back/forth to happen in my personal life. I was a mess.

Since, I’ve been recovering, evolving, and gaining back my strength; my energy has been lifted… I took off on a vacation on my own for a week to Punta Cana, DR and loved it. My days were filled at the pool, near the beach and relaxing.

Why am I telling you this….as a result of working not only on myself mentally, but physically I am healing.

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I’ve not continued to online date recently; however, I’ve been on dates two Saturdays in a row without me leaving my apartment or doing anything different to be asked out.

Date #1 was with “The Name Changer”… haha. We ended up just meeting for drinks and having a few glasses of wine, catching up and realized that we are and will always be “just friends”. Nothing More.

Date #2…. Was a HUGE Surprise… It was with a man who I had met when I first moved to NYC and still had an apartment in St. Louis. We met online at Match.com, went on a great date, but due to timing…it just never worked out for us. We kept in touch and over the years, he would reach out and ask me out, but it just never happened. I’m not going to say too much about him, but after not seeing one another for 3 years, we had a great time together… It was a comfortable night, we talked, cuddled and kissed so much that I will smile thinking about him for the rest of my life. My friends keep asking me… “Are you going to see him again?”… My reply, “I don’t know… if he asks me out again, definitely. However, after everything that I’ve learned is that you cannot rush something or force it to happen. If it is meant to be, it will happen!”

He returned into my life for a purpose though and I think that all of the times that I have been talking to my angels and asking for Love, Passion, Kisses, Hand holding, hugs, and intimacy… they sent him to remind me what that felt like again. He taught me more in one night what I wanted and what I did not want. He reminded me that the “love” that I’d thought that I had with the guy I’d last dated aka “The Diplomat” was lacking the passion and sweetness that I yearned for.
Yes, we had sweet moments and he always told me that I was beautiful, but his actions did not always show this. He was always holding back and never gave me an entire evening talking & etc. There was always an end to the evening usually with me getting into a cab and crying myself back home. However bad it was in the end, I loved him, but it hurt me and he abandoned me without as much as a text goodbye.

However, Date #2 -The Dad, we can call him… He did. He met me at my train, hugged me, kissed me…took my bags, took me out, held my hand, watched me, he told me how happy he was to see me after 3 years and how much he’d thought about me over the years since and how many times that he’d wanted to call me. He held my hand, touched me and held me close, while we just sat on his patio talking and sharing stories…He’s shown me that I was worthy of love and that I could love someone again, my heart may have been hurt, but vulnerability is a beautiful thing, so is trusting someone with your heart….when they look you in the eye, take your hand and kiss you…. It is a promise. It may only be for the date, the night or a short time, but in the end… I will always know that he meant it.

I don’t know if I will see him again, but either way…I’m just going with it, letting go of everything, enjoying the ride and happy that it happened.

You see, sometimes you just need one person to remind you that you’re still capable of hope and open to love.

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Love The Way You Lie…

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And so the romance game begins…Rob goes back to The Upper West Side, where he lives…as I live on The Upper East Side. So, he’s conveniently just across the park, Central Park, that is.

I should preface that I’m 100% honest with him about who I am, my age, where I work, live, family and etc. I don’t crowd him, I let him make contact, and I go back to my life, continuing online with my dating profile because I am not assuming that there is anything more to the night with this new guy.

I make arrangements to meet another guy at a local bar nearby, who is a Corporate Attorney recently divorced, living in the suburbs, working in the city and has 3 small children. To be honest, I’m hesitant because of the children, but he’s determined and so, I agree to a drink. This guy’s name was something like “surfandsand” or something similar, I haven’t a good recollection.  When I get there, he is not there yet.. He texts me that he’s there, but at a table?! I’m like, “Come to the bar.. I’ve ordered a drink!” So, this is awkward, as a very large man shows up and he (again) does not resemble any of the photos that he has posted on his dating profile. These photos must have been 20 years old or something, or they were of a cousin, brother or some close friend. Odd. I am a big girl, I make the most of the situation, have some drinks, share an appetizer, share some stories and very nicely excuse myself and let him know that there is nothing that will happen between us, but I “thank him” for the drink.

Meanwhile, I have a crazy work week and Rob texts and calls me on both Sunday/Tuesday asking how I am and then, proceeds to ask me out on Thursday. I tell him that I actually have plans on Thursday night, and he tells me that is fine, he will meet me after/during my plans..and come over. Lol.

He ended up coming over early, after a long crazy day in the office and managed to buy us dinner takeout food, wine and we had a nice date on my sofa. Our date’s got more frequent, we saw one another 2-3 nights a w week and always a night during the weekend and a sleepover. Sometimes, 2 nights on the weekend.. a Friday or a Saturday and/or Sunday night. We end up just seeing one another, no one else and I’ve stopped online dating. It’s going so well and the best part is that it’s easy too. No drama, we’re spending a lot of time together and I’m happy. He referred to me as the most “unstalkerish” girl he’s dated..lol. I let him do all of the contact, unless I send him a follow-up.

We were in the hand holding, giving each other massages, climbing all over one another with both of us still stealing kisses as much as we could. We even spent many days lingering in bed cuddling..he was a cuddler and would bring his cuddling caravan over to cuddle with me all night and made me late to work and miss many trains, many days during this time…we had nicknames for one another, teased each other and laughed a lot. He even suggested that we take a trip together.

This went on for over 2 months…then, out of the blue, Rob told me that traveling to my place was tough now that he had moved to New Jersey?!? Imagine my response…First of all, when did you move? You’ve been with me every weekend? He said, just the other week to Weehawken, NJ and Upper East Side was tough to get to. He asked me to dinner Friday night, but wouldn’t be over until late, and would talk with me then. He arrived about 11pm and after a bottle of wine, I was in prime shape…

He confessed to me that he’d always lived in New Jersey, but he said Upper West Side because he did live there earlier in his years in the area. Since, moved to NJ. Dating NYC girls and living in NJ is tough.. Because we don’t generally want to commute to NJ and they know this, which is why men lie about this one item. However, that night, we ordered food, talked it out.. He told me he’s been lying about his age, and that he’s actually a few months older than I am, not 3 years younger. Then, when I asked about anything else. He said that was it.. He’d told me everything. When he left, all was good.. He showed me that his weekend when he was away was due to a side business that he ran, texted me photos of the show he was at and all the next night as a bit of proof to ease my mind.

I was deceived, but all was forgiven…or so, I thought.

The following week, I had a dinner, and gala to attend with a charity with friends and had told him that we’d be going to a rooftop after and to meet us. He’d been texting me while I was there and I didn’t notice a missed call from him until I was in a taxi on my way home to my apartment. There was no voicemail. So, I decided to call him back and to my surprise, I heard his voicemail that was transferred to his work voicemail.. With his voice, but using a DIFFERENT FIRST AND LAST NAME!!! As well as company and etc.

My stomach dropped, I got out of the taxi and vomited… Who in the hell had I been in a relationship with and sleeping with calling a different name the entire time in bed, introducing him to people and etc.?!?! I texted him the following:

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His response was that he didn’t know how to tell me, and basically everything had gotten out of hand in his responses on-line dating and he managed to really like me, not only physically, but my personality and didn’t know how to tell me. He’d supposedly had a bad experience before…OMG.

After a week of crying, feeling completely sick, after being with this man for 3 months…I was devastated by this situation. He continuously tried to make nice with me and apologize via text, phone and etc.
within about a week or 2, I finally gave in and let him come to my apartment and apologize to me in person. It was a bittersweet meeting, but I couldn’t trust him. I let him lead communication with me.. I met him one last time out and I left him in the bar as I turned in tears and caught a taxi home.

He texted me on occasion that he now was telling everyone the truth. No more lies, he realized what it did to me and I was the catalyst for him becoming honest. Lovely. He told me that he missed me.

After I met and dated others… we would remain in touch and tell one another of our current dating, but would leave it there.

Over a year later, we have become friends…somewhat, but never anything more. I didn’t know if I could recover again or trust after this episode..and it’s been over a year later and I still don’t have that innocent trust factor yet.

The Producer… aka Broadway…or Hollywood…

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So, my initiation to dating in New York City was not the typical transition, I aimed high in the Big city with Bright Lights… I landed a Broadway Producer to charm the pants off of me… literally.

As all good things must come to an end, we had our ups and downs… months of texts, stolen phone calls, and then he would just “appear” in NYCity and expect me to come running, drop everything.. see him between interviews with journalist’s, show’s and etc. You see, it was doomed from the beginning, as we lived in different dimensions.. I, the girl with the 9-5 job and he didn’t generally start his day until later, and then wouldn’t get out until after midnight. We met in dark corners of hotel bars, lounges, dinners in amazing places, I have seen the most amazing hotel’s in NYCity and most of his room’s had bigger bathroom’s than my entire apartment. Now, I know what it sounds like, but we also met for coffee and yes, he came to my tiny studio on Sunday morning one time pleading with me to stay in his life.

The last time that I saw him, he came to my place, we had an amazing talk, great evening together before he had to fly back to London… and I woke up to a note saying that he would be back in New York City in 3 weeks and would like to have dinner with me.. someplace “nice” xxx. Three weeks turned into months….

He managed to text me over the holidays simple smiley faces, or “xoxo, xxx” and etc.

I never saw him again, but I occasionally receive text messages. He’s now a very successful movie producer.

My Dating stories prior to NYC…and we all come to NYC to fall in Love, right?

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Outstanding dating stories over my many years of spinsterhood, singlehood, singleton..what ever..

1.) I met one guy for drinks and he didn’t look anything like his photos online. When I met him for a drink, he was not only snapping/waving his arms at the bartender at a quaint Tapas bar/restaurant on a week night, he started to ask the bartender questions when she did come by. Questions asked were: “What’s with the hair?” , “With your tattoo collection, what kind of school’s did you attend?”, Hmm.. Let’s just say, I was extremely embarrassed and well, then he started commenting on my cleavage and asking me what bra/cup size that I was. That date actually tried to kiss me at the car. I honestly was appalled, not only by his behavior, but by his lack of tact and obvious misrepresentation of himself in his profile/photo.

He kept sending me email’s/text msgs apologizing after the date.

2.) One guy that I met for drinks.. kept moving my chair closer & closer to his every time that I would go to the restroom. Then, he kept groping and grabbing at my clothes, trying to touch my legs/arms/hair, while we were at the bar and I was not into the guy at all. He kept asking me out, telling me that he was “definitely attracted to me”. I finally told him about the groping and etc. was not cool, and he asked me out continuously, but I never agreed. This guy sent me an email the other day explaining to me how he had a “Natural Attraction” to me and wanted to get together again to try not to touch me… yeah, I opted not to see him again.

3.) One guy ate with his mouth open and kept talking and spitting, then I watching a game. He had a problem with eye contact when talking, the food never came off of my shirt that he spat at me. (j/k)

4.) Another took me a place to have pizza, asked me to get the pizza and he would pick up another time, then took me to a bar to watch him play pool, where he insisted that I drink the type of beer that he liked and not what I wanted? (Strange date).

I was stuck there, couldn’t ditch him, the place was too small. He is a nice guy, but it didn’t manage to work out…wonder why?
5.) I met another guy and he seemed semi normal when I talked with him.This guy was very, very strange and had several unresolved issues that I didn’t care to figure out what they were.Ok. We talked on the phone and agreed to meet for Happy Hour at a place close to my office after work. He called me on his way there and I told him that I would be there shortly, however, being in HR, sometimes issues occur, which are not always convenient to your schedule that you have to attend to.
So, I don’t recall what the HR issue was, but I was running late, so I called and let him know that I would be leaving the office in about 15-20mins and apologized.
When I got to the meeting place, he was strategically sitting facing a strange way away from me, at first, I was flustered and didn’t notice. He was really uptight. So, I sat there and ordered a beverage. This is when it got interesting.
He actually started “grilling” me about why it took me 18 minutes from the time that I called him and the time that I arrived, when my office was located across a highway from where we met?
I explained traffic, getting out of the office and etc., yet this was not enough, he kept at it. Then, I ordered another drink, and he started in again on “We agreed to meet at 5:30pm, I don’t understand why you didn’t leave earlier to be here on time.” Again, I explained that my position does not always allow me to leave on time when I have an employee issue and etc. He still didn’t get it or move on to a different subject, even when I tried.
Finally, after listening to this for 45mins, and 2 beers, I was ready to go. He actually ended with, “Well Heather, I think that this went really well, let’s set up another date for next week?” Mind you, when he said this, my face must have said it all. I thanked him.

He still called. I cannot recall his name, but I do remember that when I finally saw him move sides, he had a lazy eye, which was interesting enough for me…otherwise, it could have been a mask…not sure.. I ran.

5. ) Ok, you will like this one. When I started the online dating, I met this guy that I met for coffee and we hit it off in conversation and personality. He was fun, and seemed fairly bright and witty. However, when ever we met, it was rushed, so that I had to be some place or he did. We met for lunch one time, a drink once, and no kissing, just talking and phone calls/emails/IM’s. I had traveled with work a few times, so had he, then I had family in town, friends come visit and etc, so I was never available for weekends for about a month. Plus, I was volunteering one weekend, I guess. So, finally, after all of my visitors and traveling, it was coming to a weekend and I didn’t hear from him. So, he called me Monday morning, as I was driving to work to see how I was, and I joked with him, “Fine, How was the wife and kid this weekend? Keep you so busy, that you couldn’t call me?”

Needless to say, he made up some excuse, but later in the day via IM asked me how I felt about married me and if I was “into” them? Then, I was pretty blunt with him.. he came clean that he was in fact married, with a 2yr old and unhappily married to his college sweetheart, but would be getting a divorce and etc. blah.. blah.. blah..

The guy kept calling me, even called me with his kid in the car. I finally explained to him in a not so nice way that he needed to leave me alone.

This guy is still online and called me at odd hours this weekend and then, sent me an email on Monday morning asking me, “How was the sex on Friday night..who were you with?” .. I replied, “Excuse me, Aren’t you still married? How is your wife/kid?”

6.) I met another guy for a drink that I met online and we had a great time talking and sharing stories.. when he got off the bar stool to go to the restroom, he was about  4ft tall. Technically, he may have been a dwarf, I am not sure. He definitely shopped in the children’s section of the store…

7.) Then there was the power-hungry young CEO that I went out with..who picked me up with a car service and took me to a fancy rooftop for drinks/dinner. When we got to the venue and the guy who was driving us let me out, I said, “Thank You” and the guy that I was on the date with said, “Don’t Thank Him, He is our help..I paid for him to just be silent and do his job!” (Ok, you’re obviously not the man for me).

Then, the conversation was good, yet he managed to belittle everyone that he could in my presence, then on the way to my house, driving through my neighborhood he goes, “I could never live in an area like this, it reminds me of where I lived starting out..which is pathetic?”…

Hmm.. What in the hell? This is a first date and yes, he asked me out again.. yet, I had already determined that wasn’t going to happen..

Ok, after rehashing my dating stories, they are hilarious, yet somewhat disappointing; however, I have remained optimistic through all of it and then, I moved to NYC for a new job.. traveling.. and have since met some gem’s…and the story continues… after being in the city 3 years.. I’ve been urged by many of my friends to share my stories about my daily life.. as it’s somewhat of a carnivale… yes, that’s the best description for my many experiences that I’ve encompassed here during my years living in Manhattan.

Even through the trials of kissing many frog’s, I have always believed that my prince is out there….and I will find love in the city that never sleeps..

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There were so many more.

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