Moving out of the darkness into the light

Depression cripples you… it’s like this dark secret you hide deep within, but it’s always there in the shadows lurking and pulling you back with a few whispers… “You’re worthless… you’ll never amount to anything… come back inside this shell with me… no one cares for you out there…you’re all alone!”

It always appears like a fog creeping in overnight and there is a crow making noise reminding you that you belong with them in the darkness… far from the light. The emptiness inside your soul, bones, mind and heart creates pools of tears at the drop of a hat to slide down your face…without notice, you’re pulled back into the abyss of familiarity that you once climbed far away from.

Yes…. I have a history of depression or just being sad…anxiety. Maybe it’s because we moved around so much in my childhood and I was always forced to reinvent myself, new friends, new life, and all during my high school years.

I remember my earliest memories in my early teens and my wanting to get lost in a sea of sleep. I just couldn’t get myself out of the feeling of melancholy and sadness that would overcome me like shackles…I carried the weight with me for years. Who knew then, that this would be a lifelong battle with periods of desperation and times that were so low, it’s miraculous that you made it out alive.

Well, my old nemesis that is Depression has shown its ugly head again over the past few years.

When things were not going well in my life, financial issues, when my apartment caught fire, or the ceiling caved in and I had to move quickly, or the time that I lost my love, or I was in so much pain that I ended up needing surgery on my spine…the other time I lost my love, plus the struggle of recovery to the time that I lost my job with no severance and lost my insurance 60 days post surgery. I’ve lost so much over the past few years…my house, jobs, pets, loves and have literally had to abandon things and walk away just enough to survive the flames called my life without getting burned up myself.

My challenges with depression have been a lifelong struggle. They go in waves, but lately and especially this year, it’s been severe with every hurdle, every path that I take is a journey on survival.

This was also why I went dark over the past few years and stopped writing… hiding the words and avoiding the voice inside me begging to come out.

There was a time that I wished that I would be able to fall asleep and wake up with all of this washed away. Then there are other times that would hold onto this like a long lost friend.

Lately, everything is better when it’s time to go to bed…I hate waking up and struggling with my plans for the day, reading my emails, applying for jobs, scheduling interviews, then seeing my bank account and knowing my best bet is to stay in bed.

My wish is to regain myself in 2018, get back to my core being, better health, heal my body, listen more, help more, be kinder, better, go to yoga more, date more, explore more, Love more and travel more. Let go of the things that are not serving me well and be more of a minimalist in some ways. Life isn’t about things…it about the moments.

Every day is a struggle, people are fighting silent battles all around you and in the end, try to be kind and be grateful for the people in your life that are there to help.

When you’re at you are feeling close to rock bottom, you’ll find out who your true support system is. These are The keepers… friends and family. Without them right now, I would be lost. I’m at my most vulnerable and am grateful every day that they haven’t given up on me yet.

I am so thankful that I have my family and friends in my life. With the holiday season upon us, they’re bringing in the light to my life right now.

Xx

He gave me butterflies & made my heart race

He gave me butterflies from the first time that I set my eyes on him… I think that I always knew he was going to be trouble, how you know in your gut that I was going to love every second spent with him.

After some back and forth, a few phone calls and some photos traded, we decided to meet for a drink. It was only fitting, since he was my neighbor living only 2 blocks away.  We decided to meet after his event/my dinner plans later that night. I’m typically not one for these meetings, I like to have dates and well, I was nervous that he was just a fuckboy seeking all of the wrong things, but perhaps this wouldn’t be a bad thing for a night… or three.

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He not only looked like his photos, but was better in person. This tall, dark and handsome man had a smirk and the way that he looked at me was completely disarming. After a drink or two, we went back to my place…the whole night, I was hot and cold on how I felt about him. He pushed my limits, was very respectful, but there was something about this guy…and we talked for what seemed like hours. I didn’t think that I’d ever see him again… He felt like a Fuckboy and I wanted to kiss every inch of him. I had not felt like this in a very long time…

Here I am in my 40’s, curvy, and this 33-year-old successful, smart and hot younger guy was with me? What is he thinking? Yeah… my only conclusion…, Fuckboy.

I remember kissing him goodbye that first night and sending him on his way with a smile. I never thought that I would see him again.

The next night I met up with a girlfriend for happy hour, dinner and some much-needed girl time. We were exchanging dating stories about the men we’d been seeing, and I had downloaded all of the details about him, our night and well, the glow and smile on my face was already giving me away. Hell, I was glowing after that night.

As we began to play with Snapchat filters and then, my phone starts blowing up…. It’s him. I remember feeling butterflies, and being so nervous…my heart was racing just replying to this man. He was asking if we could get together… he was on his way back up east… Next thing you know, I am in a taxi home… he arrives with 2 Bottles of wine and a bottle of Veuve. A man after my own heart… I love my wine.

After another amazing night, we ended up spending the next week together non-stop, when he went to Boston with friends… he even called and talked with me all night long and as soon as he was back home, he was at my side. I was beginning my new job soon, so my nights were filled with him and days on getting the much-needed rest, as well as preparing to start my new role.

Even when either was out late, he would come slip into bed with me in the cold weather and cuddle until dawn and we would part… after a while, we had a routine, and after a few weeks, I had to implement some rules and a curfew. Although I loved having him over, a girl at my age needs some sleep.

This went on for over a month…. and then, he went dark. Nothing…No replies….he disappeared. My heart was crushed… had I caught feelings for this man? We did meet on Tinder, so what was I thinking would happen?

After a week, he reappeared with an apology and told me, “I’m sorry…. I sometimes do this to friends and they know, but I regret doing that to you.”

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That made my heart melt…He returned…we continued as we were…. Seeing each other 2 to 3 nights a week for the next few months. Things finally came to the point where we both were together so much, but still able to date other people… so, I finally asked if he was seeing anyone else or what we were doing… He goes… “I’m not seeing anyone, but you right now. I think that we should see other people either together or apart still though and just be honest about it. “

This was when I started realizing that this needed to lighten up, pull back on the number of nights that we were together, and I needed to try dating multiple people…After all, he is 33 years old, still lives with roommates, a strict bachelor lifestyle and I’ve flat out refused to come to his place. I justified this to myself, as I needed to let him be himself… a 33year old single man, and if he wanted to be with me… it would have to be his choice.

At this point, I started dating other people and accidentally texted him thinking it was a friend that I had a date and he replied faster than I could blink with, “You go girl!” … I was mortified.

As things go… he pulled away, I pulled away and yet, we still saw one another one to two nights a week on average. We had some of the most amazing times together and this went on the have some hilarious types of scenarios together, but we stopped talking as much as we once had… I eventually started dating other people, and there was one guy that I will explain, but we were better as close friends and so, I kept seeing The Boy and told him everything about my dating the Banker… and one night, when we were laying together talking… he told me that, “I could date anyone that I wanted, but he was never going to leave me. He would always be around in my life.”

Over the next year, we ended up having periods of time where things were more serious and others where we managed to see one another if not weekly, every other week a few times. I woke up on Christmas morning with him, we boarded ourselves into my apartment during a blizzard together, and other times…it was just a drink. I won’t lie that he held my heart at times, but it was very casual between us. There were times between that we would get very intense for a few weeks, then take a break for a week or two… always in cycles. We were the same, yet different. He still lived the bachelors life and is much younger. I refused to come to his apartment unless he was sick and needed me, which he would always tell me after the fact.

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I always had to remember he was also in the lifestyle of going out all the time… I had myself become more of a homebody in the past few years, preferring a bottle of wine and the sofa to a lounge that was loud and crowded. This is where the age difference would come into play.

On or around the year anniversary, we shared some Veuve and had an amazing evening…then, things went back to normal…. Casually seeing each other, yet when we were together, we spoke our own language and no one else would understand it. At times, he would be hot and cold, but there were more discussions around plans, etc.

By late May, things went on as usual… even with some late-night talks about our feelings for one another…giving into the admissions that neither was good with feelings.

After Memorial Day, when I got uncomfortable with pain, he disappeared. He went dark without any communication, no words, just silence. Nothing hurts more than this.

I had let myself fall in love with this man.

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I imagined somewhere inside of him there was the man that I had spent all that time with… so, as I had news on my illness, I would text him to let him know… never received a reply until the day before my surgery… He wished me, “Good Luck and apologized for going dark and was sorry that I was going through this.”

I was heartbroken that he’d done this to me. He had broken me in every way possible. How did I let him have this power over me? I was humiliated and yet, loved every inch of his soul.

About 60 days post-surgery, I nearly had a heart attack when he texted me to see how I was doing. My heart was racing, my body was a mess and I replied… He asked to stop by. It was probably the most awkward time that we have ever had together… He was only here for about 20 minutes and we just talked small talk… he was assessing me and by this time, I’d already taken a muscle relaxer and was ready to go to bed. Alone.  When he left…he kissed me and said, “I’ll see you again soon.”

I never thought that I would see him again and I was at peace finally with it, but the heart wants what it wants, and I’ve decided that I don’t really think that we have much choice in the matter. There are people in your life that you connect with, really connect with and he and I were that. He was to me more than I had ever thought he would be…there was a level of need at times, he fulfilled parts of me that I never imagined, yet broke me in every way at the same time.

He waited almost a month before contacting me and as fate would have it, I had a tough day and had been drinking … he was out with colleagues in midtown and asked to stop by, and explained that he had a curfew and would not be able to stay but about 15 minutes. Haha…

As soon as the door opened, he saw me and pulled me close to him and kissed me… he didn’t leave until he had to go home to get ready for work that next morning. We stayed up talking about everything… he kept trying to explain why he went dark, apologized and instead of fighting… I just let him get it out and was grateful to have him back in my life. Late at night when we are laying together talking…he reminds me that I am his…he tells me that he owns me,…body, soul, heart and mind. and I don’t disagree. I just smile and tell him that he is mine too.

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He’s back in my life, but we’ve made some changes… I have promised to come to him more and finally met his roommate, and we have been around a few other people, which is weird. Everyone that sees us together says that we really “have something or a strong connection” because we are in our own world when together… I’m not sure where it is going, but I’m not forcing anything…and I am finally learning to just let things happen, as I’m grateful for our time together. While laying in bed, I did grab his balls in my hand, while looking into his eyes and told him if he ever ghosts me again, I’ll come find him. He’s promised he won’t, so here’s to hoping…

Somehow this man has slipped under my skin, invaded my blood and seized my heart.

I’m still trying to meet other people, as I need more than he can offer, but for now, he’s mine and I am his.

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The fountain of youth…

Where to begin…. I’m still single, so the long-distance thing never worked out…as it never really does, does it? Now, after sharing so much of yourself with someone and dreams, hopes, and experiences… then, it just disappears…evaporates and you’re strangers again. I ended up giving up dating for a while…I believe that I went almost 2 years without intimacy or any kind of romance in my life, other than some random dates that were less satisfying than a hot bath and glass of wine.

 

I have tried to build out a career, where I thought that I had one, but in the end…that didn’t work out as planned either, yet then I will become one of those people quoting cliché’s… “Everything happens for a reason”, “Another fish in the Sea or Plenty of fish in the sea”, “Just when you stop looking…love finds you”… it’s like finding a fucking apartment in New York City.. That shit doesn’t happen easily, and it doesn’t happen without investment… like 3 months’ rent or approximately $15-20K USD. Lol. Don’t get too excited…that doesn’t include the broker fee or moving costs.

I literally had so many bad dates that I will highlight in time, I met an old colleague out for drinks and she enlightened me on her success with online dating and Tinder. So, I begin….

After several glasses of wine and tapas… the conversation moved to the new adventures of dating… We had both had bad experiences with men our own age and older, but after our storytelling… I explained… how I was literally made to feel guilty for being from one man our age because he had erectile dysfunction… he turned it around to acting like I was some sex hungry slut and if you know anything about me, well… I don’t put up with this shit…I hit back and below the belt and managed to pull out a PowerPoint quickly in my head on his inadequacies, yet explained that I dated him anyway…by this point, I knew there was no coming back. He had treated me with such ugliness to have me come back that I was beyond consoling… Then, I’d met another man my age that decided to lie about his being married, another who completely was lying about living locally and managed to tell me later it took him 4 hours to get home to Boston, as he thought that I was going to let him stay over??!?! WTF.

After these stories, she recommended that I get over the whole issue that I had with dating younger men and open my search criteria to 10 years younger and 10 years older. Me, dating younger men? Jesus, did these men really want to meet an older woman?

So, after a bottle or three of wine, I changed my Tinder settings and on the Uber ride home…. I had a series of matches with very attractive, educated men… all 10 years younger… all flirting with me….

 

Could this be the solution to my dating dilemmas? Forget the crotchety older men with families, issues and that were resentful for the uninhibited younger men that are still enjoying their lives?  J

Let the fun begin… My journey to dating younger men…..does this mean that I’m a Cougar? Meow… :

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What am I doing?



Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? There are twists, turns, emotions, sadness, excitement and heightened feelings and emotions, as you try to fit everything into a small amount of time. 

You’re partner is like a dealer of love or attention, and when they pull away or don’t lend that same attention or feeling to you…you want it more. It’s a sick game that your mind plays on you, as you slip from being that once confident person to becoming the one lying on the bathroom floor or laying in an empty be night after night going over every detail to try to figure out just when you stopped being the one and turned into that pathetic, needy version of yourself. 

I’m not that person, but I can tell you from experience, I’ve been that person more than once. In all of life, I’ve never had one  homerun in life in love, where I’ve felt the comfort in knowing someone will still be waiting for me when I get home… unless you’re talking about my four legged friends. Let’s be honest, they stay because I feed them. 

In the back of my head, I always think that it is just a matter of time until this happens…the second guessing, a rough day and the day ends with one or both of you not making each other a priority. 

Things slip, you stop talking a day here, stop sharing ideas, and you both add some space to focus on work, life and etc…until it eventually fades into just friends. I don’t handle this well when I can’t see someone, and I’ve never been good at long distance relationships or relationships where one travels too much between seeing one another. 

Part of me knows this, then the other part is holding onto hope or a glimpse of this working out. It’s a cruel joke that life plays on you, especially when there are so many odds against you from the beginning. 

My core tells me that it’s about managing, “the little things” and through these affirmations daily, you can try to beat the odds, but in life there are no guarantees and all is fair in Love and war, they say. 

Happy Valentine’s Day

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I’ve gone through the emotions of a fantastic date, a great love, to en emotionally unavailable ex, a string of bad dates from a Karaoke King to a Broadway Producer, then a Diplomat, the single parent, the Angry date and there is always one common theme… I just wanted to find someone that shared the same kind of strange ideas as myself, who could talk with me for hours and that in the end, I could find a connection with.

To all of the drinks, lonely nights, sonnets written, poems, mixed tapes, and playlists in the end… I just want him to whisper in my ear that he cares, hold my hand, talk with me about life and kiss the hell out of me like he means it.

If you find one of the above, you’re a lucky person. Hold onto it because passion is rare at times when love and friendship wavers, if you’ve not found it yet, have hope as it is waiting around the corner when you least expect it.

This is life…

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Sometimes I feel like I’m in the wrong world and possibly my dreams are the real world in which I should be living, dancing, singing, traveling and maybe that cat with the kittens that I keep saving will eventually stop having kittens for me to save. Then, there is the tiger that I see following me as I meander through fields, as I’m hanging out the side of a boat traveling down a river and the same tiger appears on the shore.

Maybe the cats are a series of warnings from my subconscious that when you’re dreaming of sitting at a baseball game and having a wonderful peaceful moment on a boat, and a tiger appears…perhaps someone in your life is meant to be the cause of the representative of the tiger?

You see, I’m scared of the tiger, yet drawn to him. When, I always save the kittens and the mother cat and I’m the savior.

This is a lot like life.

You never know when the tiger will show its stripes and or when it will attack.

Yet, you wake up each day and with good intentions keep traveling through your life in hopes that everything will be ok.

Lately, I’ve seen my share of tigers and I’m wondering if in some way, I’m not the cat that needs rescuing.

With each and every loss we have and every failure or love lost, it has all led me here. At times, these failures, I see as my greatest successes and at other times, just another girl with a dream. I still get up, get dressed and put myself back out there and know that I’m stronger than I feel.

Tis’ the season…

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T’was the weekend before Christmas and all through the studio apartment….the only creature stirring was my cat Luxe…. haha. Not really, he’s passed out on the bed…as I type away with a glass of wine in front of my Christmas tree.

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Sorry for my delayed posting, but with the holidays approaching quickly, my heavy interviewing schedule and trying to keep up with my friends, family, gift shopping and shipping…my world has been in overdrive…and as the end of the year 2013 nears… yes, there was a resurfacing in my life of a person that I thought that I once loved or possibly still do. Jury is still out on this one.

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I’ve debated on writing about him and due to my current feelings for him, and for reasons that I cannot understand, and mostly out of respect; determined that he needs to remain in the vault for now. Although, the tales are quite entertaining and would make most laugh; they need to be held tightly until I am capable of understanding them myself.

So, with this, I wish all of you a Happy Holiday Season… as I will be writing again soon enough, but taking a needed break over the holidays.

Thank you again for the follow’s and for all of your support. I look forward to sharing more of my life stories with you soon enough.

 

All the best-

Justagirlinnyc

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Bad Choices…always make Good Stories…

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I recently found myself entering a Sex Club or Sex Party in New York City.  This is not a typical Saturday night for me. No, I’m not a Swinger. I’ve never had a threesome; I’m actually extremely loyal and very committed and monogamous when I’m involved with someone. I’m not addicted to sex and I don’t watch porn. However, I’m no prude, I have always been adventurous in a normal way, but nothing could be classified as strange or close to that category.

You see, I met up with a friend, a guy that I dated briefly- turned just friend and after we had a few glasses of wine, he talked me into going to another bar with him. He knew me all too well and knew that I’d be open to an adventure, so he asked me earlier in the week if I’d go to a party with him, and then it turned into a “Couples Party”, then “Swinger club”, after telling him that I was not comfortable going earlier in the day, we ended up just meeting for some drinks and catching up. After a few drinks and sharing our photos and stories of the past year with one another, he told me about the club that he was talking about and that he’d been there before with an ex and it was “interesting people watching and a good story”. So, being the adventurous one that I am, we took a walk in search of a bar/party. After walking around midtown, we walk by a building and as we spied some rather suspicious/sketchy people entering into the building and getting in the elevator, he tells me that it’s the place. This is Swingers Bar that he told me about. The place is BYOB, so we go get a six pack of beer and I already lay down the rules that I am under no circumstances getting naked or walking about in my lingerie in front of people.. He tells me that I can wear a robe, if we get that far; however, we will just hang out in the bar area first to “people watch”, meet a few others and if we are comfortable…then, “go with it, but only if I’m comfortable.” otherwise, we just have some beers in the bar area and leave.

This is where the adventure begins…or the lack there of one.

It’s in the low 40’s temperature wise and I am freezing usually, but while we walk, I am sweating monkey balls in anticipation for the evening, plus I’m not convinced that this is something that I’m game to experience right now, I’m not feeling too sexy…I have some weight to lose (after steroids in spinal injections and etc) and my confidence is not what it once was. So we walk to the closest deli, we debate on the brand of beer that we’re buying and he pays for it. I make small talk with the guys behind the counter selling some herbal liquid ginger concoctions displayed all over the counter…to help with the nervous energy that I’ve got at present in the circumstances ahead.

When you move to New York City, people tell you about the terrors of apartment hunting, weather, cost of living, people and etc., but no one prepares you for surviving a Sex Party, which is not uncommon here. There are all varieties of these, some like the movie’s that you’re imagining to lower level Sex Club’s that cost a couple $100-1000+ entry and they have buffets, BYOB, different lounge areas, dance floors, acts, locker rooms, sex room’s where all must be naked and or in lingerie and the men get to wear robe’s… you get the picture. No single men allowed, single women are and couples. The men like watching “girl on girl” action, or in some of these clubs the couples actually go off together to make out, fuck, suck or heavy touching in the corners…I hear that some parties couples do swing and swap partners as well.

So, we have the six pack of beer and walk towards the place and have to walk through a crowd of people waiting to get into a club for bridal parties and etc. As we enter the building, I’m nervous…he’s leading. We get into the elevator and I’m nervous as all hell, but we go to the floor that the club is on. However, we are talking about the other names of the clubs in the building, one being “E E Club” and we are speculating what that could be as well. Then, the elevator doors open and my friend is quite tall; he’s over 6 ft and his head is almost hitting the ceiling. The doors open to a 1980’s décor and there are several naked mannequins draped in beads with a few disco ball’s hanging and weird lighting and Christmas type lights on the backdrop, then a door with a buzzer. We enter and behind the counter is a woman…. There are security cameras as well watching the elevator. Lovely.

I stand back and let my friend lead the way and do all of the talking. First we are greeted, the woman asks if we are member’s and tells us it’s a private party this evening and unfortunately, we cannot come in tonight, but urges us to come back the following week. She tells us that Friday’s are especially open, since most have private events on Saturdays. Meanwhile, I’m standing a few feet behind him and taking in the scenery and experience.  There are signs on the counter that say,” No jeans, no tennis shoes and etc.”, which is interesting as basically, since the ultimate goal here is to remove the clothes that you come in anyways, so what does that matter?

Since they have a private event, It offers me some serious relief as I’m realizing that even with the open mind that I have, this is not the time/night for this to be experienced. As my partner in crime continues speaking with the woman, I’m watching people come out of the elevator to be greeted by a man. The man, who obviously works there or is the host for the party looks at me in a most devious manner up and down and smiles at me like a Cheshire cat. He’s greeting couples of all sorts most that are toting bags for changing clothes, I’m guessing and imagine Euro trash looking, or older couples, an older man, younger woman very much throwback’s from a different time, but you get the point. As we walk out to leave and catch the elevator, another couple steps into the lobby from the elevator and we notice two men in leather in the elevator waiting. This is when I ask, “Hey, do you know what the E E Club is?” and the reply is, “Umm… No, I don’t”; however, that was obviously where they were heading. This is funnier because it’s 11pm on a Saturday evening…haha.

After the adventure, we catch a taxi back to my place, drink the beer and have a very PG rated evening on my sofa watching a movie, then he passed out on the sofa and I, was alone in my bed, well…with my cat.  🙂

The next morning, I looked up the “E E Club” and it was a sex club for gay men only…bath house of sorts and we both had a good laugh before he left for home and we were making sly jokes about the whole experience and evening.

Bad Choices…always make for Good Stories…

What good memories

I have much to be Thankful for. Remember…It’s all about Love.

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Happy Thanksgiving…..

I have a lot to be Thankful for at present…yesterday, as I was walking into Starbucks and waiting for my Latte, I saw a man going through the trash bin on the corner of 81st/3rd Avenue… He was going through the bag that I’d just dropped in the garbage that was full of junk from my apartment. No food, just paper trash, bags and such…I was mesmerized watching him, and then…he took the bag with some of the garbage with him on his way. I realized, “Every day is a blessing and I’m Thankful that I have a roof over my head, which I have a place to sleep inside, (so does my cat) and that life is about more than the $5 drink that I’m waiting on in Starbucks.”

This year, I’ve lost my health, lost my faith, my love, my strength, my hope, gained some weight, lost my job, and felt like I was losing my mind at times. I went through 6 rounds of spinal epidural injections (wish I’d read the side effects more), served on a jury, traveled on a beach trip alone, made new friends, lost some friends, encouraged growth in others and in myself, lost myself and found myself…did I mention that I lost love too and am in the process of finding it again.

I put up my tree in my tiny apartment the other night and it’s made me so happy to just watch the lights, but it also could be from the wine that I’ve been drinking… or the Prosecco that I’m drinking right now, as I write and am awaiting my Thanksgiving feast to be ready. I made a turkey breast, stuffing, my amazing homemade garlic mashed potatoes, and I have gravy and vegetables to make. All for just me. Plus, I bought a pumpkin pie to take part in later…that was the hardest thing not to dive into before my meal. I love Pumpkin Pie.

I read that if Pumpkin Pie is your favorite pie that means that you’re very attractive… hahaha. I will take it.  Yes, I’m alone today for the holiday, I did not get up and venture out in the cold weather to watch the parade, but I stayed in my apartment to make dinner and relax today.  I wasn’t invited anywhere for the holiday and to be honest, I don’t think that I would’ve gone to anyone’s house anyhow, as I like my own cooking and really was looking forward to my time alone. I’ve received tons of texts, a facetime call with my niece in Texas, spoke on the phone with my mother in Texas and even sent a recipe over Facebook to a family friend for my mashed potatoes.

One of the highlights is that my hickeys are finally healing and with knowing the man is definitely on my mind that gifted them to me, it has been a strange beginning, yet nothing with him has been normal. Our first date was over 3 years ago. Since seeing him a week and a half ago, I’ve not really heard much from him…yet, today…I got a, “Happy Thanksgiving” text from him, which was very sweet and I guess in man language, it means that he’s still thinking of me and all is not lost in the land of a new beginning with this man. Why do we over analyze these little things?!

The quote for he and I would be, “You can’t rush something that you want to last forever.”

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My thoughts are positive. However, I’m not thinking he’s my forever, but am grateful to be open to love again after the past year, anything positive in my life makes me grateful. This could be the beginning of some kind of Wonderful. See. I think that I’m finding “hope” again, as well as my belief in love. My therapist recently told me that he finally see’s me opening up more again and showing more faith in love in my life.

I am Thankful for just having some good coming my way on this great holiday… I have much to be Thankful for.  Remember…It’s all about Love.

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