One Day, someone will walk into your life…

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After the drama of being lied to by, “The Namechanger”, you can imagine my view on dating again, especially via online methods were skewed completely, as I had just managed to have one of those awful experiences where it becomes urban legend and you only hear in bar’s over too many drinks at a Happy Hour with your girlfriends…dating nightmares, men to be suspicious of and dating drama…haha.. all of them were me, in a nutshell. I was for a brief moment, calm…processing it, then I was indifferent, then I managed to get truly upset and started second guessing my own actions to have not noticed that I was being lied to in multiple areas.

Moving forward, we must change the rules:

  1. More than one photo is a must
  2. Proof of a real name on an email (yes, this too can be faked).
  3. Proof on where they work, live and etc. (Do some research on LinkedIn and etc.)
  4. Meet friends; ask more about their background, lifestyles and etc.

I continued to be “open” to online dating, and so walks in “The Good Guy”… He was such a good guy, that he still makes me laugh and smile when I think of him, but it was not good timing on my part, nor was I ready to date quite yet and even though I would want us to work out because I did enjoy his company, we just weren’t compatible.

He was one of those people who doesn’t own a TV and is very proud of the fact that he hasn’t watched a sitcom or owned a TV in over most of his life. I have a DVR and watch and record more series than he’s heard of, I keep my TV on all of the time, and even when working…I cannot live without watching my TV. I should tell you that I not only have a TV, I have a SMART TV with 3D, Internet and subscribe to HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, Amazon & Netflix and actively watch all of them.

He’s always in a triathlon, he is divorced, and he’s into outdoors to the extent that I’m not, but it all sounds amazingly exciting. I do Pilates, yoga and am not a runner. I surf on the sofa.

We had a few great dates and ultimately, after I returned from a trip to Cabo, he met me after running a triathlon, then plying in a tennis tournament, to walk The Met Museum with me, then drinks, and dinner. At the time, I was trying to battle a virus that I’d returned with from Cabo, which was making me extremely sick. Because he lived so far away, I did allow him to sleep over, but it was just sleep (seriously). Then, he woke me up at 6am, then at 7:30am wanting to go take a brisk walk along the river, find some coffee, croissants and etc. Mind you, I am not a morning person. So, this was not sealing the deal here. I need someone to coax me out of bed, fill me with coffee and then, send me on my way.

I wished on some level that I could be the girl who would be able to compliment him for who he was and yet, I knew I couldn’t. So it faded away and all ended with no more contact. I think that we’re still connected on some social media outlet, I did see him once while walking through Grand Central and he was speaking with someone else and didn’t see me, which was strange enough…who runs into anyone in Grand Central at rush hour?

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With this, I had kept my online dating profile up, but was about to take it down when I received an odd email that morning on my way to work on the Metro North train and read it… It read, “I wanted to reach out to you once again, as I never received any reply from my first email and there was no photo posted of me, as I need to be discreet with my job. However, I have a few up now and would like to meet you and learn more about you…. Cheers,”

Hmm… He was handsome, british (hmm..love the accent), my age..(hopefully, this was true), his online profile name had the word, “HONEST” in it (could this be a sign?), and so I replied something like, “Many apologies, I was about to remove my online profile when I saw this. However, I do not recall seeing an email from you before, but if there was not a photo attached, generally, I will erase it… Sorry? Heather”

He initiated a dialogue back and forth for the next week it seemed via chatting and email’s learning about one another and flirting innocently, maybe two weeks until he sent me one on a Saturday asking if I would like to meet him or available for a drink that week, preferably on Wednesday evening. I decided to accept, but had thought nothing much about it. As I’d resolved myself to no more piss poor dating scenario’s, all would be me as a guy going in as a drinking buddy…laughs and a good time, but not thinking about it being something romantic, as that would likely just break my heart again, or possibly just kill what hope that I had left inside me. At this point in my life, I had become a vulnerable, emotional woman and had found myself for the first time in my life wanting to find a partner.

In walks in, “The Diplomat…

Love The Way You Lie…

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And so the romance game begins…Rob goes back to The Upper West Side, where he lives…as I live on The Upper East Side. So, he’s conveniently just across the park, Central Park, that is.

I should preface that I’m 100% honest with him about who I am, my age, where I work, live, family and etc. I don’t crowd him, I let him make contact, and I go back to my life, continuing online with my dating profile because I am not assuming that there is anything more to the night with this new guy.

I make arrangements to meet another guy at a local bar nearby, who is a Corporate Attorney recently divorced, living in the suburbs, working in the city and has 3 small children. To be honest, I’m hesitant because of the children, but he’s determined and so, I agree to a drink. This guy’s name was something like “surfandsand” or something similar, I haven’t a good recollection.  When I get there, he is not there yet.. He texts me that he’s there, but at a table?! I’m like, “Come to the bar.. I’ve ordered a drink!” So, this is awkward, as a very large man shows up and he (again) does not resemble any of the photos that he has posted on his dating profile. These photos must have been 20 years old or something, or they were of a cousin, brother or some close friend. Odd. I am a big girl, I make the most of the situation, have some drinks, share an appetizer, share some stories and very nicely excuse myself and let him know that there is nothing that will happen between us, but I “thank him” for the drink.

Meanwhile, I have a crazy work week and Rob texts and calls me on both Sunday/Tuesday asking how I am and then, proceeds to ask me out on Thursday. I tell him that I actually have plans on Thursday night, and he tells me that is fine, he will meet me after/during my plans..and come over. Lol.

He ended up coming over early, after a long crazy day in the office and managed to buy us dinner takeout food, wine and we had a nice date on my sofa. Our date’s got more frequent, we saw one another 2-3 nights a w week and always a night during the weekend and a sleepover. Sometimes, 2 nights on the weekend.. a Friday or a Saturday and/or Sunday night. We end up just seeing one another, no one else and I’ve stopped online dating. It’s going so well and the best part is that it’s easy too. No drama, we’re spending a lot of time together and I’m happy. He referred to me as the most “unstalkerish” girl he’s dated..lol. I let him do all of the contact, unless I send him a follow-up.

We were in the hand holding, giving each other massages, climbing all over one another with both of us still stealing kisses as much as we could. We even spent many days lingering in bed cuddling..he was a cuddler and would bring his cuddling caravan over to cuddle with me all night and made me late to work and miss many trains, many days during this time…we had nicknames for one another, teased each other and laughed a lot. He even suggested that we take a trip together.

This went on for over 2 months…then, out of the blue, Rob told me that traveling to my place was tough now that he had moved to New Jersey?!? Imagine my response…First of all, when did you move? You’ve been with me every weekend? He said, just the other week to Weehawken, NJ and Upper East Side was tough to get to. He asked me to dinner Friday night, but wouldn’t be over until late, and would talk with me then. He arrived about 11pm and after a bottle of wine, I was in prime shape…

He confessed to me that he’d always lived in New Jersey, but he said Upper West Side because he did live there earlier in his years in the area. Since, moved to NJ. Dating NYC girls and living in NJ is tough.. Because we don’t generally want to commute to NJ and they know this, which is why men lie about this one item. However, that night, we ordered food, talked it out.. He told me he’s been lying about his age, and that he’s actually a few months older than I am, not 3 years younger. Then, when I asked about anything else. He said that was it.. He’d told me everything. When he left, all was good.. He showed me that his weekend when he was away was due to a side business that he ran, texted me photos of the show he was at and all the next night as a bit of proof to ease my mind.

I was deceived, but all was forgiven…or so, I thought.

The following week, I had a dinner, and gala to attend with a charity with friends and had told him that we’d be going to a rooftop after and to meet us. He’d been texting me while I was there and I didn’t notice a missed call from him until I was in a taxi on my way home to my apartment. There was no voicemail. So, I decided to call him back and to my surprise, I heard his voicemail that was transferred to his work voicemail.. With his voice, but using a DIFFERENT FIRST AND LAST NAME!!! As well as company and etc.

My stomach dropped, I got out of the taxi and vomited… Who in the hell had I been in a relationship with and sleeping with calling a different name the entire time in bed, introducing him to people and etc.?!?! I texted him the following:

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His response was that he didn’t know how to tell me, and basically everything had gotten out of hand in his responses on-line dating and he managed to really like me, not only physically, but my personality and didn’t know how to tell me. He’d supposedly had a bad experience before…OMG.

After a week of crying, feeling completely sick, after being with this man for 3 months…I was devastated by this situation. He continuously tried to make nice with me and apologize via text, phone and etc.
within about a week or 2, I finally gave in and let him come to my apartment and apologize to me in person. It was a bittersweet meeting, but I couldn’t trust him. I let him lead communication with me.. I met him one last time out and I left him in the bar as I turned in tears and caught a taxi home.

He texted me on occasion that he now was telling everyone the truth. No more lies, he realized what it did to me and I was the catalyst for him becoming honest. Lovely. He told me that he missed me.

After I met and dated others… we would remain in touch and tell one another of our current dating, but would leave it there.

Over a year later, we have become friends…somewhat, but never anything more. I didn’t know if I could recover again or trust after this episode..and it’s been over a year later and I still don’t have that innocent trust factor yet.

Let the Dating games begin…In the game, “Pin the tail on the Donkey.. Who is the Ass?”

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After a grueling few months of work, no dating, a 10 day holiday with my mother… I decided to put myself back out there on the market… not the job market, the dating market…

Do you remember playing, “Pin the tail on the Donkey” as a kid?  Online dating is kind of like that, but imagine a blend of Craigslist.com, Amazon.com & EBay.com without the review’s and it is a crapshoot on the photos.

My online dating rules  of mine have always been:

  1. They MUST have more than one photo. No excuses.
  2. Body shot photos are an automatic disqualification
  3. They must be local, must text, speak with and meet in a timely manner in a public place.
  4. People looking for pen pals or wanting to immediately send you dirty photos are automatically deleted/blocked.

So, I managed to post my profile, and the process begins… I get contacted by a guy who lives in NY, is within a few years of my age, yet younger, has 3 photos posted and seems cute. One of the photos is of his body clothed with a dog. We exchange emails, chat, text, and we even speak on the phone before he asked me out on a Friday night to meet. His name is Rob.

So, I end up meeting Rob at a local bar on my street, when I walk there.. I’m nervous because I hope that I will recognize him upon sight. Wishing for the best, I was walking up and I see a cute blonde guy smoking out front and he sees me, but doesn’t say anything…(damn). I keep walking into the long, dark bar and out of nowhere a guy that I never would’ve recognized as the guy in the photo. He greets me with a huge hug and “Hello Heather! ”Can I get you a drink?” Umm…WTF? Who is the guy in front of me?!

I’m still stifled and sitting there taking it all in, ask for a beer and staring at him trying to find a resemblance to the photo’s in the online dating ad. It’s not that he’s unattractive, but he’s not the same guy..Or the photos are old or something. He’s about 6ft tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, fit, and funny…he is telling me jokes and we start people watching because there is Karaoke at the bar where we meet and people are drunk, dancing everywhere, and it’s something of a show to watch. Hilarious…I finally let my guard down, but trying to figure out if I can leave.. There is no way out without getting by him. I cannot even go to the restroom and escape.. Ugh. I’m going with the attitude that, “I’m going to make the most of it!”….. “GO ALL IN or GO HOME!” and I couldn’t go home.. So, the adventure begins with Rob.

The evening ended up going really well, we actually ended up having a great time, he managed to talk his way back to my apartment and after much wine and conversation… slept over…ummm, yeah.. That too.

I woke up to having a man cuddling with me, kissing on me and asking me to lunch. I took his hand, kissed him back, and accepted his lunch invitation.

Let the games begin… In the game, “Pin the tail on the Donkey.. Who is the Ass?”

I’m like the Psychic that will guide you on your life, but can’t read my own cards…

 

 

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So, it’s confession time. At present, I’m a closet writer that used to write for a release, but was apparently trapped under a refrigerator for the past few years…while working in a Consulting role in technology and selling myself out to the lifestyle of 50-60hour work weeks, depending on online dating sites to help remind me that I needed to be “available” to date, and trying to keep up with my friends and having a social life outside of the office, while commuting almost 3hours/day back and forth. Damn…I’m tired. I’m currently unemployed, as my contract ended with tragedy to the project, which is sad, but I’m surviving, and interviewing for new positions, which itself is literally just like online dating and at present, I’m stifled by the similarities. I am a Technology Recruiter… so, I get it, but people ask me to stop by just to “see me in person” to “make sure I’m presentable”. Now, not going to name any places, but I’ve been working with a large Cosmetic’s company for the past 2 years…within start up’s and management consulting, high level communications companies…all in HR and TA… (Talent Acquisition) not “Tit’s and Ass”, but if I wasn’t presentable…I wouldn’t have been placed on the front line to attract candidates in the first place. So, it is what it is….I do the “dog and pony show… do a few tricks, fake the laughter, smile’s and try to make a connection… otherwise, I’m a master of the game.. And I know how it’s supposed to be played.” Too bad that this doesn’t necessarily transfer over to my dating life…I’m like the psychic that will guide you on your future, cards, life, how many children that you will have; however, I live in a trailer, 3 kids, divorced and barely making ends meet. I cannot read my own cards… lol. It’s like that as a Recruiter… I guide people on hiring decisions, but the funniest part is, I need to apply these principles to my dating life… walk away when my gut instinct tells me to. However, like I was telling my therapist…. I seem to have great intuition, I just manage to second guess it, keep going and end up in a comedy of errors with my dating life… So, I’m unemployed now and while I’m interviewing for new positions, I have found myself with time to write and capture my stories that my friend’s and my therapist have been telling me for years to write and capture of my days of living in New York City, especially the dating one’s to share with all… as they’re that good and amusing… bear with me, as I’m reminiscing through and trying to go back and write them to publish. May the road go on forever and the party never end…

Haha

Yeah. Fucking crystal ball

My Dating stories prior to NYC…and we all come to NYC to fall in Love, right?

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Outstanding dating stories over my many years of spinsterhood, singlehood, singleton..what ever..

1.) I met one guy for drinks and he didn’t look anything like his photos online. When I met him for a drink, he was not only snapping/waving his arms at the bartender at a quaint Tapas bar/restaurant on a week night, he started to ask the bartender questions when she did come by. Questions asked were: “What’s with the hair?” , “With your tattoo collection, what kind of school’s did you attend?”, Hmm.. Let’s just say, I was extremely embarrassed and well, then he started commenting on my cleavage and asking me what bra/cup size that I was. That date actually tried to kiss me at the car. I honestly was appalled, not only by his behavior, but by his lack of tact and obvious misrepresentation of himself in his profile/photo.

He kept sending me email’s/text msgs apologizing after the date.

2.) One guy that I met for drinks.. kept moving my chair closer & closer to his every time that I would go to the restroom. Then, he kept groping and grabbing at my clothes, trying to touch my legs/arms/hair, while we were at the bar and I was not into the guy at all. He kept asking me out, telling me that he was “definitely attracted to me”. I finally told him about the groping and etc. was not cool, and he asked me out continuously, but I never agreed. This guy sent me an email the other day explaining to me how he had a “Natural Attraction” to me and wanted to get together again to try not to touch me… yeah, I opted not to see him again.

3.) One guy ate with his mouth open and kept talking and spitting, then I watching a game. He had a problem with eye contact when talking, the food never came off of my shirt that he spat at me. (j/k)

4.) Another took me a place to have pizza, asked me to get the pizza and he would pick up another time, then took me to a bar to watch him play pool, where he insisted that I drink the type of beer that he liked and not what I wanted? (Strange date).

I was stuck there, couldn’t ditch him, the place was too small. He is a nice guy, but it didn’t manage to work out…wonder why?
5.) I met another guy and he seemed semi normal when I talked with him.This guy was very, very strange and had several unresolved issues that I didn’t care to figure out what they were.Ok. We talked on the phone and agreed to meet for Happy Hour at a place close to my office after work. He called me on his way there and I told him that I would be there shortly, however, being in HR, sometimes issues occur, which are not always convenient to your schedule that you have to attend to.
So, I don’t recall what the HR issue was, but I was running late, so I called and let him know that I would be leaving the office in about 15-20mins and apologized.
When I got to the meeting place, he was strategically sitting facing a strange way away from me, at first, I was flustered and didn’t notice. He was really uptight. So, I sat there and ordered a beverage. This is when it got interesting.
He actually started “grilling” me about why it took me 18 minutes from the time that I called him and the time that I arrived, when my office was located across a highway from where we met?
I explained traffic, getting out of the office and etc., yet this was not enough, he kept at it. Then, I ordered another drink, and he started in again on “We agreed to meet at 5:30pm, I don’t understand why you didn’t leave earlier to be here on time.” Again, I explained that my position does not always allow me to leave on time when I have an employee issue and etc. He still didn’t get it or move on to a different subject, even when I tried.
Finally, after listening to this for 45mins, and 2 beers, I was ready to go. He actually ended with, “Well Heather, I think that this went really well, let’s set up another date for next week?” Mind you, when he said this, my face must have said it all. I thanked him.

He still called. I cannot recall his name, but I do remember that when I finally saw him move sides, he had a lazy eye, which was interesting enough for me…otherwise, it could have been a mask…not sure.. I ran.

5. ) Ok, you will like this one. When I started the online dating, I met this guy that I met for coffee and we hit it off in conversation and personality. He was fun, and seemed fairly bright and witty. However, when ever we met, it was rushed, so that I had to be some place or he did. We met for lunch one time, a drink once, and no kissing, just talking and phone calls/emails/IM’s. I had traveled with work a few times, so had he, then I had family in town, friends come visit and etc, so I was never available for weekends for about a month. Plus, I was volunteering one weekend, I guess. So, finally, after all of my visitors and traveling, it was coming to a weekend and I didn’t hear from him. So, he called me Monday morning, as I was driving to work to see how I was, and I joked with him, “Fine, How was the wife and kid this weekend? Keep you so busy, that you couldn’t call me?”

Needless to say, he made up some excuse, but later in the day via IM asked me how I felt about married me and if I was “into” them? Then, I was pretty blunt with him.. he came clean that he was in fact married, with a 2yr old and unhappily married to his college sweetheart, but would be getting a divorce and etc. blah.. blah.. blah..

The guy kept calling me, even called me with his kid in the car. I finally explained to him in a not so nice way that he needed to leave me alone.

This guy is still online and called me at odd hours this weekend and then, sent me an email on Monday morning asking me, “How was the sex on Friday night..who were you with?” .. I replied, “Excuse me, Aren’t you still married? How is your wife/kid?”

6.) I met another guy for a drink that I met online and we had a great time talking and sharing stories.. when he got off the bar stool to go to the restroom, he was about  4ft tall. Technically, he may have been a dwarf, I am not sure. He definitely shopped in the children’s section of the store…

7.) Then there was the power-hungry young CEO that I went out with..who picked me up with a car service and took me to a fancy rooftop for drinks/dinner. When we got to the venue and the guy who was driving us let me out, I said, “Thank You” and the guy that I was on the date with said, “Don’t Thank Him, He is our help..I paid for him to just be silent and do his job!” (Ok, you’re obviously not the man for me).

Then, the conversation was good, yet he managed to belittle everyone that he could in my presence, then on the way to my house, driving through my neighborhood he goes, “I could never live in an area like this, it reminds me of where I lived starting out..which is pathetic?”…

Hmm.. What in the hell? This is a first date and yes, he asked me out again.. yet, I had already determined that wasn’t going to happen..

Ok, after rehashing my dating stories, they are hilarious, yet somewhat disappointing; however, I have remained optimistic through all of it and then, I moved to NYC for a new job.. traveling.. and have since met some gem’s…and the story continues… after being in the city 3 years.. I’ve been urged by many of my friends to share my stories about my daily life.. as it’s somewhat of a carnivale… yes, that’s the best description for my many experiences that I’ve encompassed here during my years living in Manhattan.

Even through the trials of kissing many frog’s, I have always believed that my prince is out there….and I will find love in the city that never sleeps..

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There were so many more.

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