Bad Choices…always make Good Stories…

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I recently found myself entering a Sex Club or Sex Party in New York City.  This is not a typical Saturday night for me. No, I’m not a Swinger. I’ve never had a threesome; I’m actually extremely loyal and very committed and monogamous when I’m involved with someone. I’m not addicted to sex and I don’t watch porn. However, I’m no prude, I have always been adventurous in a normal way, but nothing could be classified as strange or close to that category.

You see, I met up with a friend, a guy that I dated briefly- turned just friend and after we had a few glasses of wine, he talked me into going to another bar with him. He knew me all too well and knew that I’d be open to an adventure, so he asked me earlier in the week if I’d go to a party with him, and then it turned into a “Couples Party”, then “Swinger club”, after telling him that I was not comfortable going earlier in the day, we ended up just meeting for some drinks and catching up. After a few drinks and sharing our photos and stories of the past year with one another, he told me about the club that he was talking about and that he’d been there before with an ex and it was “interesting people watching and a good story”. So, being the adventurous one that I am, we took a walk in search of a bar/party. After walking around midtown, we walk by a building and as we spied some rather suspicious/sketchy people entering into the building and getting in the elevator, he tells me that it’s the place. This is Swingers Bar that he told me about. The place is BYOB, so we go get a six pack of beer and I already lay down the rules that I am under no circumstances getting naked or walking about in my lingerie in front of people.. He tells me that I can wear a robe, if we get that far; however, we will just hang out in the bar area first to “people watch”, meet a few others and if we are comfortable…then, “go with it, but only if I’m comfortable.” otherwise, we just have some beers in the bar area and leave.

This is where the adventure begins…or the lack there of one.

It’s in the low 40’s temperature wise and I am freezing usually, but while we walk, I am sweating monkey balls in anticipation for the evening, plus I’m not convinced that this is something that I’m game to experience right now, I’m not feeling too sexy…I have some weight to lose (after steroids in spinal injections and etc) and my confidence is not what it once was. So we walk to the closest deli, we debate on the brand of beer that we’re buying and he pays for it. I make small talk with the guys behind the counter selling some herbal liquid ginger concoctions displayed all over the counter…to help with the nervous energy that I’ve got at present in the circumstances ahead.

When you move to New York City, people tell you about the terrors of apartment hunting, weather, cost of living, people and etc., but no one prepares you for surviving a Sex Party, which is not uncommon here. There are all varieties of these, some like the movie’s that you’re imagining to lower level Sex Club’s that cost a couple $100-1000+ entry and they have buffets, BYOB, different lounge areas, dance floors, acts, locker rooms, sex room’s where all must be naked and or in lingerie and the men get to wear robe’s… you get the picture. No single men allowed, single women are and couples. The men like watching “girl on girl” action, or in some of these clubs the couples actually go off together to make out, fuck, suck or heavy touching in the corners…I hear that some parties couples do swing and swap partners as well.

So, we have the six pack of beer and walk towards the place and have to walk through a crowd of people waiting to get into a club for bridal parties and etc. As we enter the building, I’m nervous…he’s leading. We get into the elevator and I’m nervous as all hell, but we go to the floor that the club is on. However, we are talking about the other names of the clubs in the building, one being “E E Club” and we are speculating what that could be as well. Then, the elevator doors open and my friend is quite tall; he’s over 6 ft and his head is almost hitting the ceiling. The doors open to a 1980’s décor and there are several naked mannequins draped in beads with a few disco ball’s hanging and weird lighting and Christmas type lights on the backdrop, then a door with a buzzer. We enter and behind the counter is a woman…. There are security cameras as well watching the elevator. Lovely.

I stand back and let my friend lead the way and do all of the talking. First we are greeted, the woman asks if we are member’s and tells us it’s a private party this evening and unfortunately, we cannot come in tonight, but urges us to come back the following week. She tells us that Friday’s are especially open, since most have private events on Saturdays. Meanwhile, I’m standing a few feet behind him and taking in the scenery and experience.  There are signs on the counter that say,” No jeans, no tennis shoes and etc.”, which is interesting as basically, since the ultimate goal here is to remove the clothes that you come in anyways, so what does that matter?

Since they have a private event, It offers me some serious relief as I’m realizing that even with the open mind that I have, this is not the time/night for this to be experienced. As my partner in crime continues speaking with the woman, I’m watching people come out of the elevator to be greeted by a man. The man, who obviously works there or is the host for the party looks at me in a most devious manner up and down and smiles at me like a Cheshire cat. He’s greeting couples of all sorts most that are toting bags for changing clothes, I’m guessing and imagine Euro trash looking, or older couples, an older man, younger woman very much throwback’s from a different time, but you get the point. As we walk out to leave and catch the elevator, another couple steps into the lobby from the elevator and we notice two men in leather in the elevator waiting. This is when I ask, “Hey, do you know what the E E Club is?” and the reply is, “Umm… No, I don’t”; however, that was obviously where they were heading. This is funnier because it’s 11pm on a Saturday evening…haha.

After the adventure, we catch a taxi back to my place, drink the beer and have a very PG rated evening on my sofa watching a movie, then he passed out on the sofa and I, was alone in my bed, well…with my cat.  🙂

The next morning, I looked up the “E E Club” and it was a sex club for gay men only…bath house of sorts and we both had a good laugh before he left for home and we were making sly jokes about the whole experience and evening.

Bad Choices…always make for Good Stories…

What good memories

Dear Past, Thank you for all of the lessons…

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If I were to write myself a letter, it would begin with…

Dear Past, Thank you for all of the lessons.  Dear Future, I’m now ready!!!

My life has been similar to that of Alice in Wonderland at times…however, I never fell down a hole literally, but I’ve been on an adventure in search of my path, since I can remember. I have been in search of finding myself, traveling the world, friends, new jobs, and for love.

I’ve always had a saying…

New Life, New Land, New Love & New Beginnings

I believe that after chasing my dreams and finding myself in my travels, career and encounters that I’m finally open to finding love…

Let the adventures begin…

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If it weren’t for the bad, we wouldn’t know the good.

One Day, someone will walk into your life…

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After the drama of being lied to by, “The Namechanger”, you can imagine my view on dating again, especially via online methods were skewed completely, as I had just managed to have one of those awful experiences where it becomes urban legend and you only hear in bar’s over too many drinks at a Happy Hour with your girlfriends…dating nightmares, men to be suspicious of and dating drama…haha.. all of them were me, in a nutshell. I was for a brief moment, calm…processing it, then I was indifferent, then I managed to get truly upset and started second guessing my own actions to have not noticed that I was being lied to in multiple areas.

Moving forward, we must change the rules:

  1. More than one photo is a must
  2. Proof of a real name on an email (yes, this too can be faked).
  3. Proof on where they work, live and etc. (Do some research on LinkedIn and etc.)
  4. Meet friends; ask more about their background, lifestyles and etc.

I continued to be “open” to online dating, and so walks in “The Good Guy”… He was such a good guy, that he still makes me laugh and smile when I think of him, but it was not good timing on my part, nor was I ready to date quite yet and even though I would want us to work out because I did enjoy his company, we just weren’t compatible.

He was one of those people who doesn’t own a TV and is very proud of the fact that he hasn’t watched a sitcom or owned a TV in over most of his life. I have a DVR and watch and record more series than he’s heard of, I keep my TV on all of the time, and even when working…I cannot live without watching my TV. I should tell you that I not only have a TV, I have a SMART TV with 3D, Internet and subscribe to HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, Amazon & Netflix and actively watch all of them.

He’s always in a triathlon, he is divorced, and he’s into outdoors to the extent that I’m not, but it all sounds amazingly exciting. I do Pilates, yoga and am not a runner. I surf on the sofa.

We had a few great dates and ultimately, after I returned from a trip to Cabo, he met me after running a triathlon, then plying in a tennis tournament, to walk The Met Museum with me, then drinks, and dinner. At the time, I was trying to battle a virus that I’d returned with from Cabo, which was making me extremely sick. Because he lived so far away, I did allow him to sleep over, but it was just sleep (seriously). Then, he woke me up at 6am, then at 7:30am wanting to go take a brisk walk along the river, find some coffee, croissants and etc. Mind you, I am not a morning person. So, this was not sealing the deal here. I need someone to coax me out of bed, fill me with coffee and then, send me on my way.

I wished on some level that I could be the girl who would be able to compliment him for who he was and yet, I knew I couldn’t. So it faded away and all ended with no more contact. I think that we’re still connected on some social media outlet, I did see him once while walking through Grand Central and he was speaking with someone else and didn’t see me, which was strange enough…who runs into anyone in Grand Central at rush hour?

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With this, I had kept my online dating profile up, but was about to take it down when I received an odd email that morning on my way to work on the Metro North train and read it… It read, “I wanted to reach out to you once again, as I never received any reply from my first email and there was no photo posted of me, as I need to be discreet with my job. However, I have a few up now and would like to meet you and learn more about you…. Cheers,”

Hmm… He was handsome, british (hmm..love the accent), my age..(hopefully, this was true), his online profile name had the word, “HONEST” in it (could this be a sign?), and so I replied something like, “Many apologies, I was about to remove my online profile when I saw this. However, I do not recall seeing an email from you before, but if there was not a photo attached, generally, I will erase it… Sorry? Heather”

He initiated a dialogue back and forth for the next week it seemed via chatting and email’s learning about one another and flirting innocently, maybe two weeks until he sent me one on a Saturday asking if I would like to meet him or available for a drink that week, preferably on Wednesday evening. I decided to accept, but had thought nothing much about it. As I’d resolved myself to no more piss poor dating scenario’s, all would be me as a guy going in as a drinking buddy…laughs and a good time, but not thinking about it being something romantic, as that would likely just break my heart again, or possibly just kill what hope that I had left inside me. At this point in my life, I had become a vulnerable, emotional woman and had found myself for the first time in my life wanting to find a partner.

In walks in, “The Diplomat…

Love The Way You Lie…

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And so the romance game begins…Rob goes back to The Upper West Side, where he lives…as I live on The Upper East Side. So, he’s conveniently just across the park, Central Park, that is.

I should preface that I’m 100% honest with him about who I am, my age, where I work, live, family and etc. I don’t crowd him, I let him make contact, and I go back to my life, continuing online with my dating profile because I am not assuming that there is anything more to the night with this new guy.

I make arrangements to meet another guy at a local bar nearby, who is a Corporate Attorney recently divorced, living in the suburbs, working in the city and has 3 small children. To be honest, I’m hesitant because of the children, but he’s determined and so, I agree to a drink. This guy’s name was something like “surfandsand” or something similar, I haven’t a good recollection.  When I get there, he is not there yet.. He texts me that he’s there, but at a table?! I’m like, “Come to the bar.. I’ve ordered a drink!” So, this is awkward, as a very large man shows up and he (again) does not resemble any of the photos that he has posted on his dating profile. These photos must have been 20 years old or something, or they were of a cousin, brother or some close friend. Odd. I am a big girl, I make the most of the situation, have some drinks, share an appetizer, share some stories and very nicely excuse myself and let him know that there is nothing that will happen between us, but I “thank him” for the drink.

Meanwhile, I have a crazy work week and Rob texts and calls me on both Sunday/Tuesday asking how I am and then, proceeds to ask me out on Thursday. I tell him that I actually have plans on Thursday night, and he tells me that is fine, he will meet me after/during my plans..and come over. Lol.

He ended up coming over early, after a long crazy day in the office and managed to buy us dinner takeout food, wine and we had a nice date on my sofa. Our date’s got more frequent, we saw one another 2-3 nights a w week and always a night during the weekend and a sleepover. Sometimes, 2 nights on the weekend.. a Friday or a Saturday and/or Sunday night. We end up just seeing one another, no one else and I’ve stopped online dating. It’s going so well and the best part is that it’s easy too. No drama, we’re spending a lot of time together and I’m happy. He referred to me as the most “unstalkerish” girl he’s dated..lol. I let him do all of the contact, unless I send him a follow-up.

We were in the hand holding, giving each other massages, climbing all over one another with both of us still stealing kisses as much as we could. We even spent many days lingering in bed cuddling..he was a cuddler and would bring his cuddling caravan over to cuddle with me all night and made me late to work and miss many trains, many days during this time…we had nicknames for one another, teased each other and laughed a lot. He even suggested that we take a trip together.

This went on for over 2 months…then, out of the blue, Rob told me that traveling to my place was tough now that he had moved to New Jersey?!? Imagine my response…First of all, when did you move? You’ve been with me every weekend? He said, just the other week to Weehawken, NJ and Upper East Side was tough to get to. He asked me to dinner Friday night, but wouldn’t be over until late, and would talk with me then. He arrived about 11pm and after a bottle of wine, I was in prime shape…

He confessed to me that he’d always lived in New Jersey, but he said Upper West Side because he did live there earlier in his years in the area. Since, moved to NJ. Dating NYC girls and living in NJ is tough.. Because we don’t generally want to commute to NJ and they know this, which is why men lie about this one item. However, that night, we ordered food, talked it out.. He told me he’s been lying about his age, and that he’s actually a few months older than I am, not 3 years younger. Then, when I asked about anything else. He said that was it.. He’d told me everything. When he left, all was good.. He showed me that his weekend when he was away was due to a side business that he ran, texted me photos of the show he was at and all the next night as a bit of proof to ease my mind.

I was deceived, but all was forgiven…or so, I thought.

The following week, I had a dinner, and gala to attend with a charity with friends and had told him that we’d be going to a rooftop after and to meet us. He’d been texting me while I was there and I didn’t notice a missed call from him until I was in a taxi on my way home to my apartment. There was no voicemail. So, I decided to call him back and to my surprise, I heard his voicemail that was transferred to his work voicemail.. With his voice, but using a DIFFERENT FIRST AND LAST NAME!!! As well as company and etc.

My stomach dropped, I got out of the taxi and vomited… Who in the hell had I been in a relationship with and sleeping with calling a different name the entire time in bed, introducing him to people and etc.?!?! I texted him the following:

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His response was that he didn’t know how to tell me, and basically everything had gotten out of hand in his responses on-line dating and he managed to really like me, not only physically, but my personality and didn’t know how to tell me. He’d supposedly had a bad experience before…OMG.

After a week of crying, feeling completely sick, after being with this man for 3 months…I was devastated by this situation. He continuously tried to make nice with me and apologize via text, phone and etc.
within about a week or 2, I finally gave in and let him come to my apartment and apologize to me in person. It was a bittersweet meeting, but I couldn’t trust him. I let him lead communication with me.. I met him one last time out and I left him in the bar as I turned in tears and caught a taxi home.

He texted me on occasion that he now was telling everyone the truth. No more lies, he realized what it did to me and I was the catalyst for him becoming honest. Lovely. He told me that he missed me.

After I met and dated others… we would remain in touch and tell one another of our current dating, but would leave it there.

Over a year later, we have become friends…somewhat, but never anything more. I didn’t know if I could recover again or trust after this episode..and it’s been over a year later and I still don’t have that innocent trust factor yet.

Let the Dating games begin…In the game, “Pin the tail on the Donkey.. Who is the Ass?”

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After a grueling few months of work, no dating, a 10 day holiday with my mother… I decided to put myself back out there on the market… not the job market, the dating market…

Do you remember playing, “Pin the tail on the Donkey” as a kid?  Online dating is kind of like that, but imagine a blend of Craigslist.com, Amazon.com & EBay.com without the review’s and it is a crapshoot on the photos.

My online dating rules  of mine have always been:

  1. They MUST have more than one photo. No excuses.
  2. Body shot photos are an automatic disqualification
  3. They must be local, must text, speak with and meet in a timely manner in a public place.
  4. People looking for pen pals or wanting to immediately send you dirty photos are automatically deleted/blocked.

So, I managed to post my profile, and the process begins… I get contacted by a guy who lives in NY, is within a few years of my age, yet younger, has 3 photos posted and seems cute. One of the photos is of his body clothed with a dog. We exchange emails, chat, text, and we even speak on the phone before he asked me out on a Friday night to meet. His name is Rob.

So, I end up meeting Rob at a local bar on my street, when I walk there.. I’m nervous because I hope that I will recognize him upon sight. Wishing for the best, I was walking up and I see a cute blonde guy smoking out front and he sees me, but doesn’t say anything…(damn). I keep walking into the long, dark bar and out of nowhere a guy that I never would’ve recognized as the guy in the photo. He greets me with a huge hug and “Hello Heather! ”Can I get you a drink?” Umm…WTF? Who is the guy in front of me?!

I’m still stifled and sitting there taking it all in, ask for a beer and staring at him trying to find a resemblance to the photo’s in the online dating ad. It’s not that he’s unattractive, but he’s not the same guy..Or the photos are old or something. He’s about 6ft tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, fit, and funny…he is telling me jokes and we start people watching because there is Karaoke at the bar where we meet and people are drunk, dancing everywhere, and it’s something of a show to watch. Hilarious…I finally let my guard down, but trying to figure out if I can leave.. There is no way out without getting by him. I cannot even go to the restroom and escape.. Ugh. I’m going with the attitude that, “I’m going to make the most of it!”….. “GO ALL IN or GO HOME!” and I couldn’t go home.. So, the adventure begins with Rob.

The evening ended up going really well, we actually ended up having a great time, he managed to talk his way back to my apartment and after much wine and conversation… slept over…ummm, yeah.. That too.

I woke up to having a man cuddling with me, kissing on me and asking me to lunch. I took his hand, kissed him back, and accepted his lunch invitation.

Let the games begin… In the game, “Pin the tail on the Donkey.. Who is the Ass?”

The Producer… aka Broadway…or Hollywood…

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So, my initiation to dating in New York City was not the typical transition, I aimed high in the Big city with Bright Lights… I landed a Broadway Producer to charm the pants off of me… literally.

As all good things must come to an end, we had our ups and downs… months of texts, stolen phone calls, and then he would just “appear” in NYCity and expect me to come running, drop everything.. see him between interviews with journalist’s, show’s and etc. You see, it was doomed from the beginning, as we lived in different dimensions.. I, the girl with the 9-5 job and he didn’t generally start his day until later, and then wouldn’t get out until after midnight. We met in dark corners of hotel bars, lounges, dinners in amazing places, I have seen the most amazing hotel’s in NYCity and most of his room’s had bigger bathroom’s than my entire apartment. Now, I know what it sounds like, but we also met for coffee and yes, he came to my tiny studio on Sunday morning one time pleading with me to stay in his life.

The last time that I saw him, he came to my place, we had an amazing talk, great evening together before he had to fly back to London… and I woke up to a note saying that he would be back in New York City in 3 weeks and would like to have dinner with me.. someplace “nice” xxx. Three weeks turned into months….

He managed to text me over the holidays simple smiley faces, or “xoxo, xxx” and etc.

I never saw him again, but I occasionally receive text messages. He’s now a very successful movie producer.

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